Copyright © 2018 Allen R. Hunt, LLC Published by Wellspring
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No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without permission except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews.
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture passages have been taken from the Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition. Copyright © 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.
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Scripture texts in this work marked NAB are taken from the New American Bible, Revised Edition © 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C. and are used by permission of the copyright owner. All rights reserved. No part of the New American Bible may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Note: Individuals and couples cited as examples in this work are all real, and have been gathered from a variety of sources, including my own life. Their names and circumstances have been modified to preserve privacy and protect their identities.
Design by Ashley Wirfel
ISBN: 978-1-63582-002-7 (hardcover)
ISBN: 978-1-63582-015-7 (softcover)
ISBN: 978-1-63582-016-4 (ebook)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018947140
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed in the United States of America
DEDICATION
To Mimi,
World-Class Grandmother
My grandpa died tonight. He’s the one who taught me what it means to be a man and how to be a Catholic man. We knew he probably didn’t have long, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Please pray for the repose of his soul and for my family. Thank you!
—Prayer request from a Dynamic Catholic Ambassador
PRAYER FOR GRANDPARENTS
Lord
We are privileged to know
The blessing of grandparents
To know
The knowledge of years
The wisdom of fears
The gift of tears
To know the warm embrace
The kindly face
The unjudging space
The listening place
Lord
May we follow
In footsteps
That honor the mystery of their giving
The sacrifices of their living
Their gracious forgiving
May they find in us
Warm compassion
And endless passion
For life and love
May we move to the gentle rhythm of their living
May we cherish them with empathy and patient giving
May we know the sacredness of faith
Blessed by their constant believing
In you, Lord
In life
In love
In trust
In truth
May they be free from
Anxiety
Pain and sorrow
May they find in each other
A faithful companion
Where silence is the bridge
To blessed memories of
Other times and other days
May they never be lonely
Because we are too busy
May our words of gratitude and thanks
Never be empty
May the fruits of their lives
Ripen into a harvest of plenty
May they find joy
In their children’s children
In the company of loved ones
In the warm embrace of old friends
In the knowledge that your promise
Never ends
Lord bless them
All the days of their lives
(Fr. Liam Lawton, Hope Prayer)
CONTENTS
Prologue: My New Name
PART ONE: What’s at Stake
1. Your Dreams
2. Why You Matter (Even More Than You Know)
3. Your Success Defined
PART TWO: Seven Steps to Greatness
Start Now
4. Step One: LOVE Lavishly
5. Step Two: PRAY Passionately
6. Step Three: DREAM Deeply
7. Step Four: MODEL Masterfully
8. Step Five: BUILD Habits Boldly
9. Step Six: CONNECT Creatively
10. Step Seven: INSPIRE Intentionally
Epilogue
PROLOGUE: MY NEW NAME
You were not made for comfort.
You were made for greatness.
—Pope Benedict XVI
I stepped through the door of the newborn intensive care unit (NICU) with fear and trembling. Through security’s double doors. Down the corridor. Into the unit filled with tiny newborn children. My eyes quickly noticed the small plastic cradles, each holding an infant born prematurely and needing all the medical attention he or she could get just to stay alive. This was a place of life and death.
When I found my daughter’s newborn son, Allen Joseph, I froze. I just stood there. It was the first time I had ever seen him. And it was there in the hospital NICU. I’d never expected a moment like this.
Born prematurely and struggling to expand his little lungs to breathe, there lay my first grandchild. When I received the news he was entering the world about a month before he was due, I drove furiously from a speaking engagement half a continent away to get there as soon as I could. My wife, Anita, had battled every imaginable obstacle the day before to be with our daughter as she gave birth. And Anita had watched as they loaded little Allen into the ambulance to take him from his birth hospital to the NICU in a larger hospital ten miles away.
I stared at little Allen. His tiny body was swaddled in a blanket and connected to tubes and machines all around him. The nurse softly told me I could touch him but not to pick him up or jar him in any way. As I placed my index finger on his miniature cheek, tears streamed down my face. Welcome to the world, Allen Joseph.
That’s when it happened. A new dimension of my heart opened, one I did not even know I had, one that allowed me to love in an entirely new way. It happened in an instant. I didn’t ask for it. My heart just stretched and grew a whole new chamber. My first grandson. Little Allen. From the very first moment I saw him, I loved him. I loved every single ounce of him. And I knew I would never be the same. After all, life-changing events tend to be life-changing.
Each day, my daughter, my son-in-law, Anita, and I waited. Allen’s premature birth and his still-forming lungs placed our hopes and dreams for this little child in jeopardy. Our family prayed. We waited, we sat near him when we were allowed into the unit, and we held him when the nurses permitted. Then we waited some more.
We watched as some premature babies were released and allowed to go home. We witnessed the challenges of other exhausted families whose newborns had been in the NICU for months, families who were still uncertain whether their child would survive. We prayed for each of them. And our family waited…and waited.
When Allen Joseph’s vital numbers began to improve, we rejoiced as the doctors told us he could go home. After seven days of restricted access and excellent care in the NICU, he would be going home with his mom and dad.
That moment marked a new day for Anita, our family, and me. A new season of life, really.
When Anita and I dated, she called me Allen. Once we were engaged, she began to call me “sweetie.” After our wedding, she called me “hubby.” Soon after our first daughter was born, Anita referred to me as Daddy.
But now I have a new name: Grandpa. Since Allen’s birth, my daughters have given birth to two more grandsons, and we are expecting a fourth even as I write this prologue.
We have hopes and dreams for each grandson: Allen, Sam, Matthew, and Michael. We even have dreams for the ones still to come. But our deepest desire is that they each will lead great lives. We want them to be happy. We pray each will find life in Jesus and His Church. To become the-best-version-of-themselves, our grandchildren will need all the help God can give them.
As much as I love little Allen, God loves him even more. God loves with an infinite, unconditional, generous love. And He made Allen for greatness, for happiness with Him.
God has great dreams for each child. After all, we are made for greatness. And He calls grandparents to help our grandchildren achieve it. God has given us this new vocation, the life of a grandparent. And we intend to make it count. I knew from the moment I met my first grandson that I was all in.
PART ONE:
WHAT’S AT STAKE
1. YOUR DREAMS
Choose this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
—Joshua 24:15
I hear it every time.
Last year, I spoke in twenty-five states. In parishes, arenas, schools, funeral homes, business seminars, and fund-raising galas. And in almost every setting, the same question popped up.
The Number One Question I Get Asked
It usually happens like this.
An older man walks up alongside me and whispers, “Can I ask you something in private?” We find a room or a hallway and stand in a quiet place for just a moment.
I see the pain in his face and ask, “How may I help you?”
“I am worried about my grandchildren. They don’t go to Mass. What can I do?”
“Tell me about your family,” I say.
First, I see the pain. Then, I hear it.
“They are all just so busy. My kids work. My grandchildren play soccer, and spend lots of time on their computers and phones. They are all so busy doing so many things. And they tell me they just don’t have time to go to Mass. I’m worried. I don’t think my daughter and her husband are interested in Catholicism at all. And they are not teaching my grandchildren anything about it.”
The grandfather feels the pain and asks, “Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong? I tried really hard, and now they don’t go to Mass at all. And my grandchildren are getting nothing. I’m worried.”
Like this man, grandparents can feel like they missed their opportunity. Their own children are grown now and have lost some or all interest in the Church.
Then the grandfather asks, “What can I do about it?”
I respond, “Well done! You’re asking exactly the right question.”
What can I do about it? Is this your question? Are you worried about your grandchild(ren)? Are you concerned their future will not include the Catholic faith, or any faith at all? Does it pain you to see all the obstacles the world places in the path of your grandchild and the Church?
I have good news. That pain you’re feeling is a gift from God.
In this book, I will show you why God gives you that pain and what you can do about it. You can use it for good. It’s a gift. In fact, it’s a vocation. God made you to be a grandparent.
If you are a new grandparent, God is giving you a new vocation. If you are a seasoned grandparent, God invites you to get really clear on what your role means and why He gave you this vocation in the first place.
Like you, I have been observing and am deeply worried about the culture where our grandchildren will grow—and are growing—up. In many ways, it is a toxic place. We know there is something wrong but no one seems able to fix it. The saturation of sexual messages. The instability. The widespread violence. The lack of respect for other human beings. Illegitimacy. Abused children. Neglect. The cruelty and isolation often created by social media. The hostility toward, and even mockery of, our Church and our Catholic faith.
I imagine you worry like I do. Watching children grow up today feels a lot like watching a James Bond movie in which the bad guy has kidnapped a girl and is waiting to kill her at the end of a slow-moving conveyor belt. At times, it feels like your grandchildren have been placed on the culture’s conveyor belt. That belt empties into a huge wood chipper where lives, relationships, and futures are churned up and spit out. And your gut is telling you to do something to prevent that from happening to your grandchild-fast, before the bad guy wins.
That is why I wrote this book. This book is for you, and for me.
This book is for us because the battle for our grandchildren has already begun. Whoever wants them the most will get them. This is a fight you can win.
Don’t Waste Your Pain
If you are feeling that pain as you watch your grandchildren growing up separated from the Catholic Church, please know it is sending an important message. If it hurts you to watch our culture growing ever more toxic, please know that pain is good. Yes, it is a good thing that it’s painful. That pain in your soul exists because there is a lot at stake. It is the first step on your journey.
What is your pain telling you? First, it is God getting your attention. C. S. Lewis used to say that pain is God’s megaphone to get our attention in the middle of all the noise of our lives. God whispers to us in our pleasures. He shouts to us in our pain.
Remember Jonah and the whale. Jonah wants to go another direction from where God wants him to go. When God wants to get Jonah’s attention, He sends him on a cruise in the belly of a whale. After three days in that belly, at the bottom of the sea, Jonah finally says, “When my soul fainted within me, I remembered the Lord” (Jonah 2:7). Finally, God has Jonah’s attention—in the pain.
Second, that pain means you have a choice: to do something or to do nothing. God is nudging you. He is calling you through that uncomfortable pain in your soul. He is inviting you out of the pain and into something deeper and truer. Trust Him.
God can bring purpose out of the pain you are feeling. He not only can, but He will. God hopes to use that pain to do significant things in your life and in the lives of the people around you.
Very simply, God is nudging you forward. He is calling you into action. You have a role to play.
God allows pain for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes the pain results from dumb choices we make—for instance, when we put our hand on the burner of a hot stove. Sometimes God allows pain so that you and I will learn to depend on Him and trust Him more deeply. Sometimes we learn something very deep through our pain. If you never had a problem, you would never realize just how much you need God. Without pain, you and I might think we were self-sufficient. Sometimes God allows pain because He wants to give you or me a task. He often allows pain in my life to give me the opportunity to serve other people. Pain makes us humble and sensitive to the needs of others and also to the nudging of God.
God never wastes a hurt—but you can waste it if you do not learn from it or share it. God invites you to use your pain to help someone else. He wants to redeem your pain.
St. John Paul II said, “Don’t waste your suffering.” In other words, put your suffering to work for your own salvation, for your family, and for the kingdom of God. Suffering offered to Christ is precious to our Lord. Don’t waste it. Offer it up with Christ for the salvation of your grandchildren’s souls.
Your calling is emerging from God. He nudges you in your pain to do something. To dream big. To serve bigger.
Don’t waste your pain. Use it.
Grandparent Dreams
Dream. That’s what grandparents do. Grandparents dream deep dreams for their families. Grandfathers hold longings and desires for the grandchildren who carry their names. Grandmothers harbor hopes for the future of their families and the faith of their grandchildren.
Grandparents dream and hope. It’s what they do; it’s just who they are.
Grandmothers and grandfathers hope for:
• healthy bodies and futures for their grandchildren
• excellent education of their grandchildren’s minds to think and create like God intends
• thriving marriages and relationships for the family’s generations to come
• vibrant faith inspired by the beauty and genius of Catholicism
• all their family to come to happiness with Jesus in this life and in the world to come
These grandparent dreams come from God. He planted them in you.
Yet, too many just haven’t thought about their vocation as grandparents very much. Few grandparents I meet are intentional about what they really want and what they will actually do for their grandchildren. They just kind of let it happen.
Worse, the temptation is to focus on the wrong things, to have misplaced priorities. Ask yourself: If you had the choice between your grandchild having a great career and your grandchild having a great faith, which would you choose? What does your answer to that question teach you about yourself?
God dreams for more. After all, a lot is at stake: your family.
Your Deepest Desires
You may want to pass the torch. The teachings of Catholicism have shaped every part of your life. You grew up in a Catholic home and a Catholic family. You and your siblings attended Catholic school. Your friends were Catholic and your sports teams were Catholic. Being Catholic has helped shape everything you have done: your marriage, your job, your family, your friends, your community. And you have benefited from the richness and principles of Catholicism. You want to pass that same torch to your grandchildren so that they can carry it for the next generation, because you know it leads to happiness, both here and in eternity.
Or perhaps you want to light the fire. Somewhere along the way, you figured it out. You connected the dots. You had been taught all about the Mass and the sacraments. You had learned lots of the Catechism. You had prayed the rosary hundreds of times. But it had never really clicked. Until one day you read a great Catholic book, or were inspired by a remarkable homily, or listened to a moving talk on CD, and it all came together. Suddenly, your spirit came alive and you really got it. You experienced the power of the faith and the love of Christ firsthand, deep within you. And you have never been the same. Something lit the fire in you, and you want to help light that same fire in your grandchildren. You want them to have what you have: passion and purpose.
Or maybe your goal is simply to help your grandchildren be happy. You learned early on that God created us for happiness. And you have discovered in your life that it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to find happiness apart from God. Life just doesn’t work without God in it. You want your grandchildren to be happy, so you deeply yearn to pour the foundation for their lives. Because you know that God will help them become loving, compassionate, and good. He will guide them to become the-best-version-of-themselves.
Finally, you might envision your own future. Ultimately, you hope to be with God in heaven. The ancient Jews had a name for Him: the Place. God is the Place. You and I were made by God to get to the Place, to get to Him. You hope to get to the Place, and you really want to help your grandchildren get there too. Death is not the end; it’s the beginning. Death transitions us to new life with God, and you want your grandchildren to be there with you forever.
You may hope for one of these, or you may hope for all of them. To pass the torch of Catholicism. To light the fire of faith. To lay the foundation for a happy life. To help your grandchildren get to God, the Place. All these desires come from God. He puts them in you because He has great hopes for your family too. And He has given you this vocation so that you can work with Him to make it happen.
To make it happen, you will need a plan. And in this book, I will teach you how to map out that plan, step by step, to work with God to make these dreams come true.
I don’t know how this book landed in your hands. You might have purchased it on your own. Perhaps a friend recommended it or you received it as a gift from your parish, or perhaps a leader chose it for a group discussion. But you owe the person who got you this book a debt of gratitude. They have served you powerfully. Say a prayer for him or her right now. Their kindness will alter the future of your family.
God has given you and me a great opportunity. Grandparents today are more important than ever before. Failure is not an option.
How to Use This Book
In this book, I will:
• discuss the research that proves you are a vital influencer and predictor of your grandchild’s spiritual future
• share the single most important question to ask your grandchild
• teach you the most crucial spiritual habit to cultivate in your family’s life
• define success as a Catholic grandparent and how to take steps to create it
• tell you what you need to stop doing
• tell you what you need to start doing
As you read and use this book, begin with the end in mind. Remember your goal: for your grandchildren to live the best life imaginable. Because you know they were made for happiness with God and that there is no such thing as a great life apart from Him. Because you want them to know Jesus and to get to heaven. They were made for greatness.
Frankly, I invite you to have a vision even larger than that. Often we in the Church care about youth ministry only when our own teenagers are in it, or we give to the Catholic school only when our own children are attending. We operate out of a spiritual consumerism. But God is calling you and me to care for all grandchildren. Jesus came for them all, whether yours, mine, or those of someone we’ve never met. You and I have a role to play in helping the Church reach every grandchild.
