Preface
Chapter 1
Why the Web?
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“Sometime the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step in your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.” |
Dating in various forms has been around since the time of man. The introduction of a man and woman was always face to face either through family connections, mutual friends, or pure happenstance. In any case, it was and continues to be a risk of the heart. You can’t help asking yourself, “Will I find the right one, where do I look, do I know what I really want”, and a myriad of other questions may well come to mind.
It is also important to know why you want to date. I know this sounds silly; however, it is a really important question that needs to be answered. For us the answer seemed simple: we were lonely. But we found out that wasn’t enough of a reason.
As we will discuss later in the book, internet dating is a marketing adventure where you are marketing yourself to others.
It has been long known that people “buy” something based on the “vision” or the “why factor” of a product. If you are not really sure why you want to date, how can you express it to the world?
Before we start on this journey, we want to share a story written by Ashrit Kakarla, a young software engineer from Hyperbad, India. He wrote:
“A student asks a teacher, “What is Love?” The teacher said, “In order to answer your question, go to the corn field, choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: You can go through them only once and not turn back to pick.” (Once you miss it, you cannot go back to it)
The student headed for the field, and went through the first row. He saw one big corn, but he wondered… maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one. but wondered if there may be an even bigger one waiting for him.
Afterwards, when he had completed more than half of the corn field, he started to realize that the corn growing around the area were not as big as the previous one he saw. He knew he missed the biggest one, and he regretted it. So, he went back to his teacher empty handed.
The teacher told him, “This is Love. You keep looking for a better one, but you only realize it when you have already missed the person.“
As you go through this book, think about this story. You may very well pass over the one in hopes of finding a better one. We did.
Okay enough of the philosophy, let’s move on. The changes in communication technologies have invaded our everyday lives in ways unthought of a decade or two ago. Dating introduction still happens the old-fashioned way but more and more the internet dating model is integrating itself into our society. It has made meeting another certainly easier and the dating pool has grown exponentially larger.
The real question is, it is right for me?
Well, we think so but we are biased. We both used internet dating sites as the primary method to seek out potential dates and partners. Is it without risk? Heavens no but neither is the old way. As Rose Marie Gloor says in her book “Kissing Frogs”, you will meet Frogs and Toads in your search; however, you can also meet the right one. She did and so did Dee and I.
So why the Internet?
If you are in your earlier years, (less than 40) the dating game probably hasn’t changed too much from your early dating days. You are most likely familiar with technologies and social media so you are abreast of dating changes.
Us older types are not as lucky. I was married 52 years when my wife passed away and Dee had not dated in over 16 years before she stepped back “into the ring”. Neither of us knew the “rules”. I was technology savvy so I understood the underpinnings of internet dating but I was ill-prepared to market myself as a date or potential partner. Dee, on the other hand, was not as tech savvy, so she was not ready for the interactivity of the internet dating world. The good news was that the internet allowed us to ease into the dating challenge and learn the new “rules” without embarrassment.
No one really knows who you are until you are ready to share that information with them. You review potential dates at your desk or in your favorite chair. If you do decide to contact someone it is through the site’s messaging system so your email address is safe. You can also ask questions with that anonymity, never worrying about becoming embarrassed.
Anonymity also allows you to pick and choose who you might want to contact. Again, as you are electronically isolated from the others, you can look at more than one person at a time in privacy.
If you find one or more interesting individuals, you can screen them before you contact them. That means you are never pressured to communicate with anyone.
You can prepare yourself, evaluate what you are looking for, see what others are saying and do this all at your own pace.
The dating pool is substantially larger than if you were traditionally dating. The width of the net you wish to cast is up to you. It takes no more effort to look in a 5-mile radius from your home then it does to look in a 50-mile radius.
Secondarily, you will be offered communication options that heretofore may not have been available.
Thirdly, every day you will be presented with potential dating options.
Believe us when we say you will have new experiences; some exciting and others, well not so much. No matter what the experience, you will learn a lot and at the same time have fun.
We talked about this already; however, it is important to remember that you can stop and “rest” any time you wish, then restart again at your leisure.
Dating on the internet can be far more frustrating than traditional methods as there is no instant feedback. It may be hours, days, or frankly never as it relates to feedback, hence the reintroduction of patience into your life. For a person like myself, it was a difficult lesson to learn. I am not a patient person. Dee, on the other hand, is patience personified.
You can do your search any time of the day that is convenient for you. Dee did her searching and messaging in the afternoon while I did mine in the late night or early morning and yet we connected without a problem.
Now let’s see if you are really ready to jump into the fray.