First published in paperback in the United States in 2004 by
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Copyright © 1997 by Edward Albee
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or broadcast.
ISBN 978-1-46830-753-5
By Edward Albee
Copyright
Act One
Act Two
The Zoo Story
The Death of Bessie Smith
The Sandbox
The American Dream
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
The Ballad of the Sad Cafe
Tiny Alice
Malcolm
A Delicate Balance
Everything in the Garden
Box and Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-Tung
All Over
Seascape
Listening
Counting the Ways
The Lady from Dubuque
Lolita
The Man Who Had Three Arms
Finding the Sun
Marriage Play
Three Tall Women
Fragments (A Sit-Around)
The Play About the Baby
The Goat or, Who is Sylvia?
Occupant
At Home at the Zoo
Me, Myself & I
CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of THE PLAY ABOUT THE BABY is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including without limitation professional/amateur stage rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical, electronic and digital reproduction, transmission and distribution, such as CD, DVD, the Internet, private and file-sharing networks, information storage and retrieval systems, photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the Author’s agent in writing.
The English language amateur stage performance rights in the United States, its territories, possessions and Canada for the Play is controlled exclusively by DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No nonprofessional performance of the Play or either of its acts may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., and paying the requisite fee.
The English language stock and regional theatre stage performance rights in the United States, its territories, possessions and Canada are controlled exclusively by Samuel French, Inc, 45 West 25th Street, New York, NY 10010. No stock or regional performance or nonprofessional performance, in the aforesaid countries, of the Play or either of its acts may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of Samuel French, Inc., and paying the requisite fee.
Inquiries concerning all other rights should be addressed to William Morris Endeavor Entertainment, LLC, 1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019. Attn: Jonathan Lomma.
The Play About the Baby was given its world-premiere production, directed by Howard Davies, at London’s Almeida Theatre in 1998.
The Play About the Baby—in a production directed by Edward Albee—was originally produced in the United States in April 2000 by the Alley Theatre, Gregory Boyd, artistic director, Paul R. Tetreault, managing director.
The Play About the Baby premiered in New York City at the Century Center for the Performing Arts on February 1, 2001, produced by Elizabeth Ireland McCann, Daryl Roth, Terry Allen Kramer, Fifty-Second Street Productions, Robert Bartner, and Stanley Kaufelt, in association with the Alley Theatre. David Esbjornson was the director, John Arnone designed the set, Michael Krass designed the costumes, and Kenneth Posner did the lighting design. The production manager was Kai Brothers, and the production stage manager Lloyd Davis, Jr. The cast was as follows:
| Girl | Kathleen Early |
| Boy | David Burtka |
| Man | Brian Murray |
| Woman | Marian Seldes |
(Two chairs, identically placed not far from center, slightly diagonally toward one another, walking space between them. Nice light; neutral background.)
(BOY and GIRL both seated, girl hugely pregnant, she stage right, he stage left; hands folded, facing out)
GIRL
(Not moving; calm) I’m going to have the baby now.
(BOY and GIRL exit left)
(Sound: Growing labor; medical preps and encouragement. Growing pain and moaning; screams with accompanying sounds; slap; baby crying. Silence.)
(BOY and GIRL, no longer pregnant, enter.)
GIRL
(Quietly) There.
BOY
(No comment) It’s the miracle of life.
GIRL
Yes; yes; it is.
BOY
(Turns to her) Did it hurt a lot?
GIRL
(Touches her dress at the knee) They say you can’t remember pain.
BOY
Aha.
GIRL
(Pause) Yes; yes, it did.
BOY
You can, then.
GIRL
As I remember.
BOY
I broke my arm before I knew you. Did you know that?
GIRL
Not that I remember.
BOY
Yes. Well, I did.
(Sound: cry of baby offstage left)
GIRL
(Rises) Feeding time.
BOY
In here.
GIRL
All right. (Exits left, behind BOY)
BOY
(Sort of to her, but as if she were still there) It wasn’t exactly I broke it; it was more they broke it for me. Not that they said we’ll break it for you if you want us to—if you can’t do it for yourself. (Considers) More they just broke it—not for me, but rather as if I’d asked, though I hadn’t. They did break it, though I hadn’t asked. (Afterthought) I’m sure if I’d asked they would have been … well, eager, I guess. That’s only a supposition, though.
(GIRL reenters from left, already feeding the baby; she sits again, chair right. We do not see it, merely its blanket.)
GIRL
Very hungry.
BOY
I’ll want some; remember.
GIRL
(Slightly ironic) Line up!
BOY
(Matter-of-fact) I’d come from the gym and I was pumped.
GIRL
(Looking down) V … e … r … y hungry.
BOY
The bloodrush, the endorphins …
GIRL
(To BOY) I love your body; I really do.
BOY
(Little wiggle of eyebrows) I know; I know you do. (Back to previous tone) … and I was walking back to the dorm, and I had my gym bag and my stuff and I was …
GIRL
When you let me lick your armpits I almost faint, I really do.
BOY
It tickles.
GIRL
(Smiles) You start getting hard.
BOY
Yes: it tickles. (Previous tone) And I was in the alley between the gym and the science building and there were these guys I’d seen at the Hopeless Mothers gig at the arena when I was taking tickets there? And I’d spotted them trying to sneak in and I’d called the guards on them …
GIRL
I like your left armpit better than the other.
BOY
Well, the other arm got broken; I was telling you.
GIRL
You think that’s … Ow! (Reaction to baby at breast)
BOY
Let me at it for a while. I won’t bite!
GIRL
(Oddly) Not now.
BOY
I think I like both your breasts equally.
GIRL
What happened?
BOY
Hm?
GIRL
You called the guards on them—on the guys.
BOY
Oh, and the guards roughed them up a little, and they said “We’ll get you, motherfucker!” The guys—not the guards. To me; they said it to me.
GIRL
(Looks at him) Yes: of course the guys, and of course to you.
BOY
And that’s what they did.
GIRL
What?
BOY
They got me, motherfucker. They said, in the alley there, hey, you’re the one put the guard dogs on us, aren’t you. I said yes, I was; guards, not guard dogs.
GIRL
Not a wise answer.
BOY
Which?
GIRL
Either; both.
BOY
Never lie. Besides, they knew. Yes, I am, I said. You guys could have paid—benefit and all. You guys could have paid.
GIRL
What was the benefit?
BOY
Mother’s Milk.
GIRL
Ah.
BOY
Yeah, I know, I know, they said—kind of apologetic; we shoulda paid. No hard feelings I said. Hey, no way, no way, they said. And I put my hand out: no hard feelings I said.
GIRL
Less wise.
BOY
I know; and I think I knew what was going to happen, but too quick to stop it.
GIRL
(Looks at baby) Baby’s full. (Rises, goes off left, behind BOY)
BOY
(As she exits; as previously) I put my hand out, and I’d just come from the gym and my forearms looked great. (Begins to demonstratePausewasn’t