TALKING WITH ANGELS

 

 

 

 

 

 

This book consists of protocols and notes describing actual events which took place in Hungary during the years 1943 and 1944.

 

Talking with Angels

 

A document from Hungary

oral text by Hanna Dallos

transcription and commentary by Gitta Mallasz

 

English rendition by Robert Hinshaw

assisted by Gitta Mallasz and Lela Fischli

 

 

DAIMON

VERLAG

 

With heartfelt thanks to all who have been so helpful along the way.

 

Talking with Angels,

a document from Hungary, transmitted by Hanna Dallos,

recorded and edited by Gitta Mallasz,

English rendition by Robert Hinshaw,

assisted by Gitta Mallasz and Lela Fischli.

 

For a list of other-language editions of Talking with Angels please see the last pages of this book.

 

Cover: for an explanation of the front cover sketch, see the 85. dialogue.

 

ISBN 978-3-85630-906-0

 

Newly revised and expanded fifth English-language edition, 2020

 

Copyright © 1988, 1992, 1998, 2006, 2020 by Daimon Verlag,

Am Klosterplatz, CH-8840 Einsiedeln, Switzerland

 

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording or any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the publisher.

Contents

A Technical Note

Preface to the revised and expanded Fifth Edition

Preface to the First Edition

Introduction by Gitta

PART I THE DIALOGUES IN BUDALIGET

PART II DIALOGUES IN BUDAPEST

 

A Technical Note

The dialogues comprising this book have been transcribed from handwritten notes in the Hungarian language by Gitta and Lili during the actual events, as dated. Many of the original dialogue notes (including all of Joseph’s and the personal notes of Lili) were subsequently lost, and some dialogues were incompletely recorded (as indicated). Many of the accompanying explanatory texts in italics were added immediately after a dialogue, while others were added during the preparation of this text.

It is hoped that the rather unusual mode of notation employed in this edition will help to convey at least an approximate impression of the experiential quality of these dialogues: certain words were pronounced with emphasis and subsequently underlined in the notes (indicated here by italics). Others had an almost palpable feeling, engraving themselves indelibly into the participants. They were designated in the notes by capitalization of the first letter, a practice retained in the present edition. The most powerful words and sentences of all are indicated by the use of all capital letters.

The word Ö is an all-encompassing Hungarian pronoun for the Divine. This simple word has neither masculine nor feminine connotations: it is both and all. Because there is no equivalent in the English language, we have elected to retain the original word Ö here. This may seem strange at first, but it is hoped that the reader will soon adjust to it. The advantage of being able to avoid using inappropriate pronouns seems to outweigh all other considerations.

The particular intonation of Ö enabled the participants to immediately know whether The Divine or Jesus was being referred to. As a means of differentiating in this edition, we refer to the Divine with Ö, and to Jesus with ‘He,’ ‘Him,’ or ‘His.’ The pronoun Ö was always pronounced with great veneration. Gitta Mallasz had the feeling that it referred to God or Jesus, but she could not always clearly perceive the difference. When Gitta believed it referred to the Divine, it was marked with capital letters, and when it referred to Jesus, with ‘He’, ‘Him’ or ‘His.’ This mode of differentiation has been maintained.

 

Preface to the revised and expanded Fifth Edition

In the many years since Talking with Angels was first published, considerable additional information has come to light and it has been made a part of this new edition of the dialogues.

Much of this material was given to Lela Fischli and me directly by Gitta Mallasz in response to our questions regarding content and context. We had long and detailed conversations and correspondence with Gitta not only while working on our own respective translations into German and English, but also in connection with numerous other translations, which we have been coordinating and supporting since the early 1980’s.

When the dialogues were originally published, Gitta withheld some textual passages for various reasons. This was often to avoid having the texts become too lengthy (in accordance with the wishes of the original French publisher). She also found some text passages too obscure, too personal, too fragmentary or likely to be misunderstood. In a few cases, she felt the texts were simply not translatable because of their unique poetic essence in Hungarian.

However, in working with translators and other interested readers over the years and decades, we found this previously excluded material to be so helpful for a better understanding of the dialogues that we have recently elected to include it – (first in the German, now in the new English-language edition and soon in the French as well) –, even if the translations cannot do justice to the beautiful flow of the often rhyming Hungarian prose. The most substantial addition in this new edition is the inclusion of the messages of Morgen. While agreeing that these messages could not be adequately translated in all of their original beauty, we nevertheless felt that their inclusion would contribute significantly to a better understanding of the dialogues.

This new material, also including some additional notes by Lili, has been carefully woven into the present edition, at times with explanatory notes. The result is a longer text, but hopefully one that is able to provide a more clear picture for the reader of how the dialogues transpired and were understood.

 

The only survivor from the group of women deported from Katalin was Eva Dános, one of the jolly jokers who was first a close friend of Lili, and then of Hanna as well. She was present during some of the final dialogues (see the comment by Gitta on page 625).

Immediately upon her release from the Dachau concentration camp in the summer of 1945, Eva Dános wrote down all that she could recall in a shocking diary-like report describing her deportation experience. This document was first privately circulated in English translation in her new homeland Australia by the author in 1989. Eleven years later it was published as a book in Europe, Prison on Wheels (Daimon, Einsiedeln). This was followed in 2001 by a German edition (Zug ins Verderben, Langley-Dános, Eva, Daimon, Einsiedeln) and a French version, including a biography of the author, in 2012 (Le Dernier Convoi, Editions Albin Michel, Paris). This detailed report by Eva Dános augments and clarifies the final commentary by Gitta Mallasz in Talking with Angels.

According to Eva Dános, sixteen women from the war factory were taken prisoner on December 1, 1944, including two nurses who had been responsible for care of the Katalin workers. Everyone in this group had feared that both Father Klinda and Gitta would face grim consequences because of the mass exodus by the others. On December 2, these women and about a thousand others were transported to Ravensbruck in the very last convoy of Hungarians to depart Budapest for Germany.

Eva Dános reported that it was impossible to volunteer for commandos in the concentration camp. Also, any indication or even proof of Aryan origins would not have resulted in release or any form of privilege. In Ravensbruck, there were many non-Jewish prisoners engaged in forced labor.

Hanna died during the night of February 28/March 1 near Bayreuth, and Lili during the night of March 2/3 near Augsburg, both while on a prisoner transport train between Ravensbruck and Burgau, where they were being taken to work on assembling engines for fighter bombers.

Eva Dános’ document provides an authentic first-hand account of the sufferings of prisoners during the final months of the war and is a moving testimonial of humanity and friendship under the worst of conditions.

 

A memorial plaque was placed in the Augsburg Cemetery ‘Westfriedhof’ in 1950, marking the final resting place of Lili Strausz and 234 other victims.

 

Hanna Dallos-Kreutzer is buried, together with other victims, in the municipal cemetery of Bayreuth, where a memorial marker was erected in 2015.

 

Gitta Mallasz died in France in 1992. She was posthumously honored in May of 2012 in Paris by Yad Vashem (Museum of Martyrs) as a Chassid Umot ha-Olam/Righteous Among the Nations, for the rescue of more than a hundred women and children who had lived in Katalin. This award is presented to non-Jews who risked their lives to save Jews during the Holocaust.

 

 

R.H., Willerzell, 2019

 

 

 

Preface to the First Edition

This English language publication of the ‘angel dialogues’ was a long time in coming: the remarkable events documented here took place in Hungary during the late stages of the Second World War, in 1943 and 1944.

As their life situations, and gradually their very chances for survival, grew ever darker, the four close-knit friends were suddenly met by a force which came to be known to them as angels. This extraordinary encounter continued for seventeen months; Talking with Angels was the first unabridged translation of their original Hungarian protocols to be published. Three of the friends eventually perished in Nazi concentration camps, and the sole survivor, Gitta Mallasz, was obliged to remain underground with her precious documents and to concentrate on supporting her family of seven (her parents, her brother, and his wife and children), who had gone from wealth to poverty during the war. This phenomenon of radical change from one station in life to the next always accompanied Gitta. Her struggle for survival in postwar Communist Hungary was to last more than fifteen years. When the opportunity finally came for a new beginning – her parents had died and her nephews and nieces reached adulthood –, Gitta was able to make her way through the iron curtain to France with the precious black notebooks wrapped tightly in bed sheets in her one small suitcase.

In Paris in 1960, life began anew at the age of 53. Gitta reestablished her considerable reputation as a stage-set and graphic designer and she met and married Laci, a dear man who had also emigrated from Hungary. With help from him and a few close friends, she began the difficult task of translating the protocols of the dialogues into French, her third language after Hungarian and German. Through one of these friends, the existence of the dialogues was brought to the attention of a prominent French radio journalist, Claude Mettra, who, after reading them, invited Gitta to be a guest on his weekly national program, “The Living and the Gods.” That famous first 90-minute interview, broadcast live by Radio France on April 22, 1976, marked the beginning of the dialogues becoming publicly known.

Gitta had long been aware that making the dialogues accessible to all was part of her task: she understood them to be important for more than just the four original participants, but she had had no means of making them available to others. Now at last she had a forum.

Radio France was deluged with letters responding to her impressive message. Claude Mettra packed together a large bundle of them and marched to the modest but renowned Parisian publishing house, Aubier Montaigne. Gitta’s manuscript was quickly accepted, trimmed and prepared for publication, appearing later in 1976 as Dialogues avec l’ange (Aubier, Paris, 1976). Though practically unadvertised, it became an immediate sensation and was reviewed and discussed on radio and in newspapers throughout the land.

It is interesting to note that the dialogues had their first and greatest public success, and were met with such a resounding echo, in France, of all places: a land of people known for sharp intellect and skeptical rationalism. Perhaps this is because of the document’s straightforward, down-to-earth character, in contrast to so many other publications dealing with esoteric matters.

Gitta herself chose to remain in the background. After her radio appearance, she declined all of the inevitable public-speaking invitations and continued to live her normal daily life in relative anonymity. It was not only her natural modesty that kept Gitta out of the limelight: she had a strong aversion to the tendency people often had of attributing their hopes, fears and admiration to her personally, to their wanting to make her into a kind of ‘guru.’ She was convinced that the real message is for each reader to find an own personal relationship to the words of the document, to experience it themselves. This is also the reason why photographs of Gitta and the other participants are not published with the dialogues.

In 1973, Gitta and her husband retired from Paris to a small farmhouse which they themselves restored in the Dordogne region of the French countryside. Laci built all of the furniture by hand from local materials. Far from the city and close to nature again, as in her childhood, Gitta continued to live a simple life, to respond to the many letters concerning Dialogues avec l’ange over the years and, to her greatest joy, to devote her energies to working on foreign language editions of the dialogues.

In 1983, her quiet life in retirement ended when she received a speaking invitation she had never anticipated: the C.G. Jung Institute of Zürich asked her to talk with its students about her experience with the angels. Having been deeply impressed during the arduous years in Budapest after the war by Jung’s writings, and later greatly comforted by his descriptions of dialogues with his inner guide, Philemon, in his biography*, Gitta felt that she could not say ‘no’ to this invitation. She made the long train journey to Zürich and spent two lively evenings, first describing and then discussing her experience of the dialogues with a full house of fascinated listeners.

The tremendous resonance in Zürich convinced Gitta that it might, after all, be appropriate for her to reveal more of her personal experiences in connection with the dialogues, along with the actual protocols, and in the ensueing years, she made extensive speaking tours and conducted workshops throughout France, Switzerland, Holland, Germany, Austria and Belgium.

Further, Gitta came to feel that it was appropriate to put her energies to work forming the often personal material of her correspondence with readers, and later, of her speaking encounters, into a book. The result was Die Engel erlebt (roughly: “the angels experienced”), originally published late in 1983 in German and French (translations have followed). A second book, Weltenmorgen (roughly: “dawning world”), followed by Sprung ins Unbekannte (“Leap into the Unknown”) continued Gitta’s ever more personal response to the many questions addressed to her in the time since the dialogues’ first publication.

Work on this English-language edition of the dialogues began in 1984. A shortened English edition had been published in 1979 in a limited printing. Then it was decided to go back to the beginning and carefully work with Gitta, word by word, on the basis of the original handwritten Hungarian texts to create a complete transcript of the dialogues in English. This was to prove a laborious and time-consuming process, but a very rewarding one. Hanna conveyed from her inner ear to the Hungarian language and now this translation takes the dialogues one step further into English.

In numerous sessions in Willerzell, Einsiedeln and Gitta’s Girardel, and with almost daily communication between these meetings, the new English edition slowly took form over the course of the next four years. Along the way, several fragments came to light that had been neglected or edited out of previous editions of the dialogues, and, as questions arose during the English-language formulation, explanatory notes were added.

 

After Gitta’s devoted husband Laci died in 1982, she continued to live alone in the little farmhouse in Girardel. Then in 1988, just as the final proofs of this book were on their way to the printer, she suffered a nearly fatal accident: her life was spared, but both arms were broken. She understood her survival to indicate that her earthly task had not yet been completed.

Gitta then went to live in a small cottage on a farm, close to young friends in the northeastern part of the country. Here she continued to have her all-important independent existence in her own little ‘hermitage,’ but without the at times almost total seclusion of her previous abode in the south. Her public speaking engagements became less frequent with increasing age, but she made the occasional trip by ‘TGV’ into Paris for ever larger audiences and continued to fulfil her task in a variety of angel-related projects and her far-reaching correspondence. She died in May of 1992.

 

***

What is it that makes Talking with Angels so gripping, so humanly appealing? For me, an important part of it is the naturalness with which these four ordinary young people – none of whom had experienced religious instruction – accepted the sudden appearance of ‘angels’ into their everyday existence. That this luminous and numinous event came just at the darkest hour of their lives is surely significant: it shows that possibilities for new ways and for transformation do come to us at times when there seems to be no solution – if only we are open to them!

The angels taught Gitta and her friends – and continue to teach us – that earthly existence is only a part of a whole: once we realize this, death is not something to be feared. As we become aware of the ever moving, the undogmatic – what the angels teach as Light –, we learn that not the eternally repetitive is eternal, but the eternally new. The angels tell us that the more light we are able to bear, the more aware we become and the closer we come to our ‘peak,’ the meeting point with our own angel. Our personal angel strives to descend from above and meet us at this same point. Thus, we are not alone in this endeavor, even if our way of going about it is very individual. Whatever way each of us goes through this experience is not of importance: only that we do so, each in his or her unique way. That is, for me, the essence and the inspiration of these dialogues.

 

Gitta never tired of reminding her listeners and readers that she was not the author of this text, but ‘merely’ the scribe. She considered it her task to make the dialogues available to others. When asked not long before her death, how she felt about the dialogues Gitta answered:

 

“You know, those words are like seeds that were sown by the angels. They lay dormant in the earth for 33 years. They finally broke through the hard crust of the surface for the first time in 1976 with the publication of the French Dialogues in Paris and from there, they spread like wildfire – no, like Lightfire. Now the new, the Springtime of humanity, is here – and these words represent a very real possibility for all.”

The angels said:

 

WHAT COULD BE MORE NATURAL

THAN OUR TALKING WITH EACH OTHER?

 

May this book help many new dialogues to be born....

 

 

 

R.H., Willerzell, 1988, 2006

 

 

 

Introduction by Gitta

As a point of departure for the events which follow, I would like first to give a brief introductory sketch:

It is important to note the ordinariness, the simple life led by my three friends and me up until the dialogues began. But it was a time of increasing political tension and ever more questions arose about the meaning of our lives, and our futures. Nevertheless, this life we had was a preparation for what was to come.

I was sixteen years old in 1923 when I first met Hanna. We were both students at the School of Applied Arts in Budapest, where we worked at neighboring tables. From the first moment, Hanna was open and very friendly towards me, but I was the product of a military family proud of its motto: ‘Above all, be strong!’ Thus I was surprised and puzzled by Hanna’s affectionate nature. In my upbringing, any display of feelings had been considered a sign of weakness and even a simple kiss of departure was cause for embarrassment.

Hanna, whose father was an elementary school principal, grew up in the more natural atmosphere of a modern Jewish family and she was accustomed to showing her feelings spontaneously. Despite these differences in temperament and upbringing, we became close friends in the course of the next three years.

After final exams, however, our ways parted and we seldom had contact. Hanna continued her studies in Munich, while I threw myself totally and blindly into sports: swimming championships, national records and the adulation which Hungary showered upon its sports heroes fed my pride and kept me indulging in a superficial lifestyle for the next four years. It was during this period that I made the acquaintance of Lili, who was giving courses in movement therapy. Her warm and natural manner attracted great numbers of pupils and I soon realized that the reason for her overcrowded classes was that her students were experiencing something going far beyond physical relaxation: their inner essence was being nourished.

I heard little from Hanna during my sports idol days. She had married Joseph, a quiet man, who was a furniture designer by profession. His very presence had a soothing influence on his surroundings. I often observed this later when we lived together in Budaliget: in the village inn, where the townspeople had the habit of engaging in heated political quarrels, the atmosphere would inevitably calm and all would become peaceful within moments of Joseph’s arrival. This was a typical effect of his silent way of being.

When I finally had had enough of sports, I decided to seek out Hanna once more. She and Joseph had settled into a work studio in the Ilona-utca on the hills of Buda, overlooking the Danube to a gorgeous view. With great patience and understanding, Hanna helped me find my way back to artistic activity, something I had completely neglected since completing my studies. Without her accompaniment, I would never have been able to regain my joy in creative work. As it turned out, the three of us eventually founded what soon became a very successful graphic arts studio.

In the years 1934 and 1935, anti-Semitism was already widespread in Hungary. Thus, as the only non-Jew in the group, it was my role to obtain government commissions, primarily for touristic events and advertising, whereby my sports reputation and status as the daughter of a high-ranking military officer were beneficial assets. Unfortunately, I always had to hide the fact that my colleagues were Jewish.

The ‘soul’ of our professional group was undeniably Hanna. She possessed tremendous powers of concentration and intuition which enabled her to immediately grasp the essence of an artistic conception, as well as its practical realization. She had the knack of being able to solve problems with a wonderful blend of common sense, clear psychological insight and, above all, humor.

By this time, Hanna had some graphic pupils of her own and, many years later, one of these young artists, Vera, told me: “The intensity of Hanna’s teaching touched not only our professional development, but our entire being. It demanded so much of us that some students simply could not bear it and chose to leave. Hanna never critiqued a design without our feeling personally touched, even if it involved only the most trivial advertising graphics. She considered every line of a drawing to be the manifestation of an inner event. During the actual lessons, our contact with her was quite different: she would intuitively tune in to another wavelength and read our drawings like a doctor reads an X-ray, but with affection, firmness and cheerfulness.

Before beginning to speak, she sometimes had no idea of what she was going to say and was then astonished at her own words. As a young student, I was very attached to her and she became a model for me. But Hanna completely rejected this dependency on my part. She would say to us, ‘After two or three years of my teaching, you must find your own inner teacher.’ For her, the most important thing was to awaken the new being in us: ‘the creative individual, freed from fear.’”

Our studio prospered. And yet, ever more, we had the feeling that we were living on the edge of a cliff. Collective blindness was on the rise, along with a flood of organized political lies. If something were promised by the Nazis, for instance, one could be sure that just the opposite would occur. A strong desire was welling in us to find the truth – our truth – beneath so much deception. This led Joseph and Hanna to seek and ultimately find a small house not far from Budapest in the little village of Budaliget, for the purpose of starting a new and simple way of life. I soon joined them there and we worked just enough to support our daily needs. Lili joined us on the weekends.

The quiet village life was beneficial to our inner development. However, this period began for me with a growing feeling of emptiness. An inexplicable expectation of a coming something deeply disturbed me and I often went for daylong walks in the forest in search of peace. Again and again, even at mealtimes, I would catch myself looking toward the garden gate in expectation of this ‘something’ or ‘someone’ that should come and change my life. In the evenings, we would often discuss our experiences and try to discover the sources of our problems. Hanna’s intuitive gifts were a great help, but still we all felt ourselves to be at a dead end.

We were interested in the great religious currents of humanity and our bookshelves held The Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, philosophical and literary texts, works of Eastern authors from the past (Lao Tse) and present, as well as writings of Meister Eckhart were essential in our library. Yet none of us was practicing our religion of origin.

We felt ourselves to be standing before a world of lies, brutality and all-pervading evil. At the same time, we were convinced that the meaning of our lives must be buried somewhere, and that the cause of our not finding it must be in ourselves.

With this in mind, we decided at one point that each of us should write down as clearly as possible our individual problems, so as to better be able to discuss them together. One day over black coffee, I read aloud what I had written to Hanna, who dryly remarked that this was nothing but the familiar old stories, warmed over yet again. It was all too true, and I was painfully aware of my blatant superficiality. I was asking Hanna questions that I could just as easily have answered myself, but it was less strenuous to have the answer simply ‘served’ to me.

 

 

 

 

 

At this point, the dialogues begin. They were to take place nearly every Friday afternoon at three o’clock for the following seventeen months.

 

 

 

PART I

THE DIALOGUES IN BUDALIGET

 

 

 

“Go your own way!

Any other way is straying.”

 

Friday, June 25, 1943

1. DIALOGUE WITH GITTA

In the face of my superficial attitude, Hanna feels a tension arise which grows into indignation. And then, fully awake and with eyes open wide, she suddenly has the following vision: a strange force seizes my pages of notes, rips them to shreds and dashes them to the floor in complete disapproval of this inferior effort, so short of my capabilities. Hanna is about to say something but suddenly stops as she senses that it is no longer she herself who is about to speak. She just has time to warn me:

“It is not I who will speak to you.”

And then I hear the following words:

 

–  Enough of your shallow questions!

It is time for you to assume responsibility for yourself!

It is Hanna’s voice that I hear, but I am absolutely certain that she is not herself speaking; her voice is serving as a kind of instrument. I have the feeling that I know whoever is addressing these stern words to me and so I am not totally overwhelmed; I rather feel that something quite natural, which had to occur, is finally taking place. I am filled with a bright light, but there is nothing joyous about it. On the contrary, it illuminates my darkest interior with merciless clarity and I am compelled to see myself without deception.

I am shown what I might well have written about myself, had I truly been self-searching and honest, and I feel deeply shaken – and guilty. In the wake of my sincere shame, Hanna senses the indignation ebbing in the one who is speaking through her.

– It is better now: repentance is also forgiving.

It is time for you to transform yourself.

BE INDEPENDENT!

You have too much and too little.

G. I do not understand …

– Too much inert matter – too little independence!

I feel that this refers to my lazy and dependent way of thinking.

– The seed is not sown on hard ground.

You will be tilled by endless searching.

What has been good will become bad.

What has been bad will become good.

A long silence ensues. It is finally broken by the following question:

– Do you know me?

These words touch me to the core. I feel with an inexplicable certainty that I do know the questioner, that it is my inner teacher and guide; but I have no memory-image to accompany this feeling. I perceive only thick layers of mist, which obscure and prevent recognition. I am unable to break through it, despite my best efforts.

– Do you know me?

This repetition penetrates me all the more. I am at the threshold of remembering and try with all my strength to illuminate the dark layers. But it is for naught. I cannot.

Hanna feels that the one who speaks through her watches me with empathy during my struggle.

– You are pagan, but that is good.

I sense that, by ‘pagan,’ my roots are meant.

– You will be baptized with the Water of Life.

You will receive a new Name.

The Name exists, but I cannot yet reveal it.

Prepare yourself for it!

You may ask a question!

I am incapable of asking even a single question. I am too filled with the growing awareness of what is happening to me.

– ‘The one who speaks’ is tired.

Give her strength!

We will meet again!

Immediately after this remarkable encounter, Hanna and I write down what we have heard. This is not difficult, for every word has engraved itself permanently into our memories. Hanna describes her experience of the event as follows: “During the entire dialogue, my perceptions were heightened. I could see the room, you, and all that was going on inside of you, with great clarity. At the same time, I was fully aware of our visitor, whose feelings were of an entirely different quality than ours. But I can describe them only in inadequate terms such as ‘indignation,’ ‘love’ or ‘tenderness.’ It was difficult to find words to express what was to be communicated through me. In one and the same moment, I was experiencing both intense anticipation and great joy.”

A single question burns in me: “And the promise of return … when – if ever – will it be fulfilled?”

Hanna answers: “Perhaps in seven days.”

In the evening, we tell Lili and Joseph about our extraordinary experience. Joseph, who had been a materialist in his youth, reacts skeptically and adopts a cautious attitude. Lili, however, very much wants to be present the following week and offers to take notes of any subsequent dialogues.

Friday, July 2, 1943

2. DIALOGUE WITH GITTA

It is a difficult week: the uncertainty of my inner visitor’s return makes me uneasy. In addition, the starkly accurate image of me which had been revealed is difficult to bear. At about three o’clock on Friday afternoon, we are sitting in waitful expectation and I am painfully aware of having made no progress during the week.

Suddenly, the silence is broken by these words:

 

– What have you achieved? Have you learned?

I think back on the past week and, at this moment, I would like nothing better than to sink beneath the floor. Nonetheless, I feel that I have changed in some small way, and I say timidly:

G. Yes.

– For the time being, or forever?

Now I feel so worthless that I burst into tears.

– No self-pity! Are you afraid of me?

G. No.

– I, too, serve.

These words console me, and I am filled with a joyous feeling of trust: my teacher serves and this is something we have in common.

– Ask!

As a birthday present, Hanna had recently painted a portrait of me in which I sit on a mountain top holding a crystal sphere, whose facets shine in a rainbow of rich colors. The symbol of this sphere of light has great meaning for me, and I long to hear my teacher say something about it.

G. How might it be possible for me not only to understand, but also to live the symbol of the sphere?

– I have the sphere of Light with me.

I DESCEND TO YOU – YOU ASCEND TO ME.

G. How?

– Believe it, and you shall grow with this belief.

In the word ‘belief,’ I feel a living force, in no way connected with the intellectual affirmation of a religious creed.

– When the time is ripe, it will happen.

Can you bear the sphere of Light?

I answer superficially, without really understanding the question:

G. Yes.

– Are you worthy? Are you pure enough?

I hesitate:

G. You know it.

Hanna feels that the one who speaks through her is observing me as though I were a foolish child, ignorant of what she is saying.

– Though the sphere is heavier than the earth,

the CHILD plays with it,

for it is formed of one and the same substance: LIGHT.

The word ‘CHILD’ is used in an entirely new way which I am unable to grasp. I listen as if through fog, and bluntly ask:

G. Can one play with it?

– The CHILD plays – the adult creates.

The fog thickens. I am completely confused.

G. Then am I too small for the sphere?

The piercing reply strikes me like lightning:

– Too big !

Hanna sees that my little ‘I’ is too big and dominating. But I do not understand, and ask stupidly:

G. Where am I too big?

Hanna feels indignation rise in my teacher at this lack of comprehension on my part. Although a powerful purifying gesture would have been called for, she fails to rally sufficient strength in herself to carry it out and is only able to transmit the following words:

– Be reborn!

What is big – collapses.

What is hard – disintegrates.

The gesture of burning force, which Hanna had been unable to make, would have set off this ‘collapsing’ and ‘disintegration’ inside of me, Hanna later tells me.

After a long silence, I hear the consoling words:

– You are never alone.

Friday, July 9, 1943

3. DIALOGUE WITH GITTA

This week has been less difficult than the previous one, but on Friday, the obscuring inner layers of fog return. It begins to dawn on me that I have been living carelessly in this fog for 36 years without even being aware of it. But now I do at last see it, and it is a real problem.

As we chat together after coffee, Hanna suddenly hears a single word, sternly spoken:

 

– Enough!

It is three o’clock and I had not been ready to receive my inner teacher.

– Have you prepared yourself for the feast?

I feel so worthless that I begin to cry.

– Do not cry in my presence. There is no time for that!

Hanna feels my visitor’s indignance. Clearly it would have been more suitable to be joyful.

– Ask.

G. How might I hear your voice always … ?

– … and be a puppet !

G. I do not understand.

– THEN YOU WOULD NOT BE INDEPENDENT.

It is your task to approach me.

G. (Timidly:) May I ask a question?

– That is why I am here.

G. Should I fast on Friday?

I thought that fasting might be a means of spiritual purification.

– No. Let the proper measure of each day

be your fasting.

Pointing to Hanna:

– Give her something to drink!

Very surprised, I get Hanna a glass of water.

G. Why is it so difficult to really love my family?

– The family is flesh …

Hanna sees that my family strengthens just what is already too strong in me: matter.

– When you have rid yourself of the superfluous,

then you will be able to love.

G. Is that far off?

– THE FAR IS NEAR – THE NEAR IS FAR.

G. May I know your name?

This question comes from a desire to be able to call my teacher at any time, and thus feel secure.

– The name is still matter. Seek what is behind it!

The dark layers of fog torment me. My question is actually a desperate cry for help:

G. I am in the dark … what should I do?

– GO YOUR OWN WAY! ANY OTHER WAY IS STRAYING.

After a long silence:

– Sing for me in the forest!

I cannot believe my ears: me … sing? Having hidden my feelings behind a thick coat of armor since childhood, this strikes me as absolutely absurd.

G. I think I misheard …

Each word is now uttered with emphasis:

– SING - FOR - ME - IN - THE - FOREST !

Without being aware of it, I lean forward, and I am immediately held back by a gentle but firm gesture:

– You are too near.

I ask myself if my density is unbearable … ?

Or is the radiance of my teacher too strong for me?

G. I had a dream, but its meaning is not clear to me.

– You are a part of the way. I am a part of the way.

Ö** is the WAY.

The word Ö is pronounced with utter reverence. Hanna is now too tired to go on. Thus, the remainder of what she was to convey is related to me afterwards as a message:

– To will is not a step forward; it is a hindering wall.

I feel this is a reference to my overzealous, willful striving.

Friday, July 9, 1943

3. DIALOGUE WITH LILI

Lili would also like to ask some questions. She takes the place opposite Hanna, who is resting, as I move over and prepare to take notes. After a brief silence, we feel a presence of warmth and gentleness.

 

– I am here.

You called me – I called you.

The intonation of the voice has changed completely: now it is tender.

– You may ask!

L. When will I open myself to what is above?

– You are deceiving yourself. Deception is fear.

But you have no cause to fear.

L. What is my first task?

– Do you know your sign?

Here it is:

Gesture outlining a triangle

pointing downwards.

L. Could you explain my task in another way?

– You are named: ‘the one who helps.’

The helper should not fear.

I bring good news: you are dear to me.

Do you want to see me again?

L. Yes.

– Then you will not see me.

Do you wish to see me?

L. Yes.

– Then you will not see me.

In light of the previous dialogue, I now realize that neither will nor wish can bring our teachers closer to us. Lili, rather confused, bursts out:

L. I only want to see you better …

– WHEN THE TASK REQUIRES IT – YOU WILL SEE ME.

I obey.

L. I would also like to be able to obey.

Touching Lili’s forehead:

– There is too much here …

In the body, you are the last-born.

(Lili was the youngest child of a large family.)

– In spirit, you are the first of the new-born.

I now take leave of you.

I am absolutely delighted that Lili has found her inner guide, whose tender, radiant presence allows even me to completely relax.

In the days that follow, I am totally occupied with “not wanting” and “not wishing.”

Friday, July 16, 1943

4. DIALOGUE WITH GITTA

It is Friday. My life has gone through a fundamental change: possibilities hitherto undreamed of have appeared and I am aware of so much that is new. Joyfully, I prepare myself for today’s dialogue. But then, after lunch, a cold fear suddenly seizes me, and I become haunted by the question: “What if my teacher does not come … does not appear anymore?” I desperately try to cast this thought away, but it returns again and again, ever stronger, fed by a fear of falling into the void of my previous empty life. Then, all of a sudden, I realize that it is wrong for me to bind myself, even to the very thing which means the most to me. This fearful clinging to my inner teacher will have to be sacrificed. It is an unavoidable challenge, and I know it is my task.

Inner detachment is more difficult than anything I have ever before experienced. It is as though I cut myself off from my own life. At three o’clock, Hanna calls me. I soon sense the presence of my guide, who, however, remains silent and, after a while, I am nervously uncertain about whether the silence is going to be broken. With a sigh of surrender, I say to myself: “Thy Will be done.” At this moment, I see [my eyes are open] a fire burning before me, its smoke rising straight up to heaven.

Then I hear the following words:

 

– The time has come. Now you may ask!

G. What is my path?

– Listen well:

AT ONE END, LOVE. AT THE OTHER END, LIGHT.

YOU ARE SUSPENDED BETWEEN THE TWO.

THAT IS YOUR PATH.

A hundred deaths are between the two.

Love is bearer of Light.

Love without Light is nothing.

Do you understand me?

I do understand, but it strikes me as very difficult to let my ‘little I’ die a hundred times. I sink my eyes, discouraged.

– Look at me!

The familiar face of Hanna, neither beautiful nor ugly, takes on another expression and reflects an almost frightening dignity.

– At one end … I.

Gesture from above to below:

– At the other end … it.

Between the two … you.

G. What is ‘it’?

– Your ‘little I.’

Disdainfully, I think: “What a self-centered creature, this ‘little I.’ ”

G. I know my ‘little I’ well, all too well, but you I do not know well enough!

– Foolish child!

I later come to understand these two words as meaning: ‘How could you possibly know your little I? You do not know even a single cell of your body! As little as you know me! How long will you continue to be so blind?’

– It and I are united in the task.

Do not divide what is one!

Before the Divine, nothing is small!

Do not judge!

G. Teach me, for I know nothing!

– Have I not taught you?

With false modesty, I say:

G. Oh, yes, I know that I ask silly questions.

Hanna perceives my teacher’s thoughts:

‘What a childish game!’ But she feels authorized only to say:

– You are foolish!… Ask!

I know that I have been seen through like glass,

and I stubbornly protest:

G. Why should I even ask, when you always know beforehand what I want to say … you see my thoughts!

– From the heart to the mouth is a handspan.

Make this your way! Do you wish to know much?

G. Only as much as my task requires.

– THOSE WHO ASK ARE MORE DEAR TO THE DIVINE THAN THOSE WHO KNOW.

Last night, I dreamed I saw a human figure in glowing colors, radiating harmony, strength and peace.

G. What does my dream mean?

– The new Individual formed from your image.

G. Will I become this individual when I shed what is superfluous?

– YOU ARE THE ONE WHO FORMS –

NOT THE FORMED.

G. What must I do to become the one who forms?

Now Hanna’s body seems to lose its usual qualities and transform into an instrument serving totally, with nothing held back: her movements are simple, meaningful and dignified. Even her arm seems different to me. It radiates concentrated force, the muscles tense, and I am strongly reminded of Michelangelo’s sculptures. An abrupt gesture strikes like lightning.

– BURN!

I am struck, jolted, filled with wonder. But all this vanishes instantly when I notice that Hanna is shivering. She bids me to bring her alcohol: just today, by ‘coincidence,’ I had bought a small bottle of pure alcohol. I drip some onto a sugar cube and give it to Hanna. Soon her strength returns and she reveals: “I had to concentrate all of my energy so that a burning force would ignite in you. Your detachment was the key. You had to sacrifice and to learn independence, even from your inner teacher.”

Friday, July 16, 1943

4. DIALOGUE WITH LILI

After a short rest, Hanna feels ready for the dialogue with Lili, who is wearing a blue skirt and a red blouse.

– You have dressed yourself upside-down.

L. What do you mean?

– Blue belongs above – red, below!

Red carries the blue.

This is also relevant for your work.

Lili immediately understands that the bodily ‘red’ should support the spiritual, the ‘blue.’ Then she reflects on her teaching of the previous week and its results.

– Pay no attention to results!

What ‘was’ … is no more.

What ‘is now’ is already the ‘it was.’

There you can no longer help.

May ‘the one who helps’ direct her attention

to where the ‘shall be’ is born.

It occupies little space, but from it,

everything can be formed.

Lili, who is physically fragile and often in poor health, has been ill.

– Are you tired?

L. No, I just don’t feel well.

– This we know.

If blue is above, it strengthens;

if red is below, it softens, it weakens.

In the same way,

the weak body is a burden when it dominates.

Red, Eros … is earthly love.

Blue is heavenly love.

Purple is His color.

The word ‘His’ vibrates with deep reverence. As a painter, I know that the combination of red and blue results in purple. I understand the word ‘His’ as referring to Jesus, who united earthly and heavenly love.

– You may ask another question!

L. Will I receive help with my work …

or will I have to do everything by myself?

 

– IF YOU BEGIN BY YOURSELF,

THEN YOU WILL RECEIVE HELP.

In the ensuing silence, I begin to wonder just what sort of evolutionary possibilities are open to us as humans, and immediately I receive a response to my silent question:

– I am speaking to you:

This is the direction of human evolution:

These words are accompanied by

an upward gesture at a 45° angle

to the right.

I am astonished to learn that human evolution is not only a matter of spiritual (vertical), nor only of material (horizontal) development, but of equal parts of both.