These cartoons have been reprinted in the hope that they may have a permanent interest because of the great historical importance of the period they encompass. In the last two or three years the world has moved with more than its usual alacrity. It has been a history-making epoch. There has been a war that WAS a war. There have been disasters almost without parallel; and we have weathered as pleasant a presidential campaign as the oldest inhabitant can remember. Mr. Roosevelt has been insured to us for another four years and his activities in peace and in war and in sports have been a source of unending inspiration to the cartoonist. In addition, the nation has achieved merited glory because of the great exposition held in St. Louis, and last, but not least, Missouri has taken it into her head to go Republican.
The importance of these affairs is our excuse for hoping that the cartoons appearing in this collection may have more than an ephemeral interest, and with respectful humility, we hereby dedicate them to that grand old man—sometimes so foolish but always so well-meaning—our Uncle Sam.
October 18, 1905
He Arrives in “San Antone” to Attend a Reunion of the Rough Riders.
A Quiet Day
“Hurry up, boys! I’ve got ’em treed.”
“I wish the boys’d get up. Here I’ve had breakfast ready an hour.”
“The President has been on the trail of a grizzly for four days.”
—News Item.
“Come on, boys! I’ve got ’em cornered.”
“Every time I think of her, I have the queerest feeling, kind o’ like a painless stomach ache, only not so much. I wonder why?”
“No, honest, cross my heart, you’re the first girl I ever said it to.”
“For the land’s sake, child, what ails you, anyway. How many times must I call you to come to your supper?”
“Some day she’ll be sorry she treated me this away. I’ll go ’way and make lots o’ money and come back here riding in a carriage with four white horses, and when she tries to ketch my eye I’ll pertend I never seen her before.”
“That ought to be ‘El Colonel’ instead of ‘El Capitan.’ Oughtn’t it?”
“Magnificent! It looks like the tented field of a Titan Host! It’s the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen—Not an office seeker in sight!”
“I remind myself of Napoleon before the Sphinx. I wonder if it can tell me who will be the next President of the U.S.A.?”
“No wonder the Japs make good soldiers. They’ve certainly solved the transportation problem all right.”
“Just look how much I saved for the Fourth. Ma give me a dime ’n I sold a copper boiler to Johnson Bros. for twelve cents. I got sixteen cents for picking cherries for Mrs. Oliver, ’n a nickel for carrying a note for Mr. Hornbeck, ’n fi’ cents I got for picking potato bugs for Mrs. Oliver, ’n ten cents for finding Mr. Griswold’s cow. And I’m gunna spend it all for shootin’ crackers and fire ’em all off just for you.”
“I bet they’re jealous because they ain’t boys, too.”
“Gee! I wish the circus ’d hurry up and come. I’m terrible hungry. We’ve been waiting nearly three hours and it’ll be sure to come if we go home for breakfast.”
“Gee! I don’t see how anybody can be sad in summer-time, ’specially if he’s a boy an’ likes to go swimmin’!”
“You just step over that line and I’ll learn you that you can’t call my little sister a cry-baby.”
The Chief of the Indian Fighters—“Don’t cry, they’re not real Indians—they’re only cornstalks. We’re just pertending they’re Indians. Come on, you’ll never make an Indian fighter if you act this away.”
“You bet this is the last time I’m gunna visit Aunt Mary, not even if she invites me.”
“Dog gone it! This kind o’ life ain’t the kind o’ life for me. I’m gunna run away ’nd be a soldier, ’nd get killed, ’nd then you bet ma ’ll be sorry she treated me this away.”
“It’s funny how much easier it is to work the ice-cream freezer than it is to churn.”
“Here is a check for little Theodore.”
“You’re wanted below, sir.”
“This is no time to rout a man out. Tell him to wait.”
“It isn’t a ‘him,’ sir; it’s a ‘them.’”
“Good morning, Mr. President.”
“I see by the newspaper that President Roosevelt likes to see large families. Now, I take it, that’s an invitation to visit him, don’t you?”
So Uncle Alexander and His Family, Cousin Silas and His Family and the Hired Man and His Family went down to the Depot and got on the Cars for Washington—
Where the President Said That He Was “Delighted” to See Them.
WHAT THE FARMER SAYS:
“Staid in bed till nearly 5 this morning because we don’t have to get up so early in the winter time.”
“Great guns! are all the windows open? It’s as cold as Greenland in this flat. The man that called this a steam-heated flat was a poor describer.”
“Scraped the frost off the window so’s I could get a squint at the weather. Looked purty winterish.”
“Well, I hate to get up, but I suppose I must. Not an ounce of steam in the place. And just listen to the crunch of those wheels out there. I’ll bet it’s a hundred below zero.”
“Boots froze stiff. Guess I forgot to grease ’em last night. They slipped on about as easy as a section of stovepipe.”
“Cook is sore. Says she isn’t used to living in an ice-house. I never saw such haughtiness.”
“Woodpile covered with snow so I had difficulty getting kitchen fire started. Finally got enough hot water to thaw out pump.”
“Have a horrible cold. That’s the trouble with these steam-heated flats. About the time you get acclimated the furnace goes on a strike.”
“Carried in some fodder for the stock. Latch on barn door so dad gasted cold it pulled the skin off my nigh hand. Curried horses, etc.”
“And you are left with your tubes filled with bronchitis microbes, and your heart filled with homicidal tendencies. Natural gas low. No hot breakfast.”
“Then had nothing to do but wait for daylight and breakfast. Had hot fried mush, hot ham, some good coffee, and a couple dozen buckwheat cakes. Seemed to agree with me.”
“”