DANIEL A. KRIPPER
Living Fully
Keys to spiritual growth and happiness
Editorial Autores de Argentina
Kripper, Daniel A.
Living Fully : keys to spiritual growth and happiness / Daniel A. Kripper. - 1a ed . - Ciudad Autónoma de Buenos Aires : Autores de Argentina, 2020.
Libro digital, EPUB
Archivo Digital: online
ISBN 978-987-87-0729-7
1. Ensayo Sociológico. I. Título.
CDD 301.01
Editorial Autores de Argentina
www.autoresdeargentina.com
Mail: info@autoresdeargentina.com
Translation: Nadia Hlebowitsh
Edits: Edith Scott Saavedra
The translation of this book has been possible with the generous contribution of Haime Hochman.
Queda hecho el depósito que establece la LEY 11.723
Impreso en Argentina – Printed in Argentina
In memory of Emilio, my brother, advisor and dear friend.
Index
Introduction
Chapter I
The Kabbalah of Gratitude
Chapter II
Overcoming Fear
Chapter III
The Power of Habit
Chapter IV
Who Fears Change and New Paths?
Chapter V
The Science of Anger
Chapter VI
The Tao of Compassion
Chapter VII
Kindness in an unjust world
Chapter VIII
The Power of Forgiveness
Chapter IX
The Habit of Happiness
Selected Biography
About the Autor
Introduction
This is not a self-help book any more than it is so-called “fast-track spirituality,” nor does it aim to offer simple recipes for finding happiness in X number of steps.
Instead it is a reflection on the matters that make a better, more intense life, which is ultimately the essence of what we call spirituality.
I have embarked on this task largely based on years of experience as a rabbi and spiritual advisor, assisting individuals and families, and providing them with support and guidance.
I have always considered that my primary role is, above all, as a facilitator, especially in the wide-ranging moments of life, whether happy occasions or situations of crisis or regret.
One of my Bible teachers in Jerusalem used to tell us that the difference between an educator and an arrow on a street sign is that the latter simply indicates the direction, but does not accompany us along the way. The spiritual advisor, on the other hand, is somebody who walks with you, motivates you and encourages your path towards achieving your projects. In doing so, he becomes accustomed to these matters and learns the most important lessons. It is undoubtedly here where the great learning of the spirit is developed, and the capacity for understanding and empathy is cultivated.
The universities or theological seminaries provide us with the basic training, fundamentals and discipline of studying and research. But it is understood that the secrets of the “profession” and its most relevant key points are not learned in higher education centers, however prestigious they may be.
The well-known popular saying is often cited: “What nature does not give, Salamanca does not lend,” which undoubtedly represents a great truth; but the second part of the saying is no less true or important: “but what nature gives, Salamanca perfects.” Salamanca does its part, and it is far from my intention to minimize the influence of the academic world, to which I personally owe so much; but the most effective mastery is achieved through practical exercise of the challenges that life presents us on a daily basis.
I try to develop my knowledge, day after day, along with those who are my best teachers in the exploration of the enigmas of existence and the search for wisdom. As a wise man once said: “I have learned a lot from my teachers, but even more from my students.”
Neither is this book focused on therapy or the resolution of psychological problems. Although in the old days, the use of the concept of therapy also included the spiritual component of the human being – referred to as the care of the soul – over time it was universally reduced to the domain of the mind, aimed at treating the so-called “patient.”
I remember my time as a student in the Department of Philosophy and Literature at the University of Buenos Aires, when Freudian psychoanalysis reigned in the field of psychotherapy, perhaps a reflection of trends and preferences of an increasingly complex and conflicted society. Thanks to this cultural “trend,” which cast the spotlight on Argentina as a worldwide mecca for psychoanalysis, I had the benefit of starting this specific training of the mind and inner exploration. I have continued this process in the company of great experts, belonging to the most diverse schools of thought, specialists of the genuine and fundamental meaning implicit in the idea of “therapy.”
To all of them, I dedicate this orientation guide, with my infinite gratitude for their influence and inspiration.
To prepare it, I have drawn from the most diverse sources, both secular and religious, classical texts, as well as insights from contemporary science and psychology, which open up illuminating perspectives on personal growth.
A spiritual guide was once asked how his task differed from that of a psychotherapist. And he responded with the following metaphor: there are two people digging a field. One is trying to remove debris and waste under the surface, while the other is after precious minerals. The primary goal of the latter is to extract hidden gold, so that the potential and talents lying waiting underneath come to light.
On the other hand, this guide in no way substitutes as psychotherapy when this is the given prescription.
It is my sincere intention that the following pages will help those who seek “clues” to find themselves again and see some light during this eclipse of values of our times.
CHAPTER I
The Kabbalah of Gratitude
It is said that Mathew Henry, the famous 18th century minister and biblical commentator, was once robbed, after which some friends asked him how he felt. Naturally they expected to hear him utter a complaint against God. They were greatly surprised when Henry replied:
“I feel very grateful to God… In fact, I have four things to be grateful for regarding what has happened to me. First, I am grateful to Him because it is the first time that I have been robbed. Second, I am grateful that they stole my bag and did not take my life. Third, I am grateful because, although they took everything on me, it was not much. And fourth, I am grateful because they robbed me and it was not me who robbed.”
This is certainly an impressive model of gratitude!
An ancient Hebrew liturgical poem states: “Why does man complain about his life? Shouldn’t it be enough to be alive?
I have always been struck by this poetic sentiment. It is true that being alive is indeed something wonderful. But it rarely occurs to us, for example, that we might not have been born, and the fact that we wake up alive every morning is something we take for granted.
The most common attitude, even without realizing it, is complaining, regretting, protesting.
There is a funny American story about a congressman who was canvassing the vote of one of his supporters, when he suddenly finds out that he is planning to vote for the opposition candidate.
“But how could you do this to me? Don’t you remember when your business caught fire 10 years ago and I helped you get a cheap loan? And that other incident involving your daughter and the police of another country that I helped resolve? And when your wife got sick and I got her the finest medical attention she needed?”
To which the man replied: “All that is true, but what have you done for me lately?”
This example reveals, through humor, the typical attitude of the ingrate. “What have you done for me lately?” is his motto.
Without a doubt, this person has serious memory issues. Where memory fails, ingratitude grows.
This is the opposite attitude to recognition and gratitude. But not just as mere formality or a gesture of courtesy, because we know that it is the right thing to do – but rather, the gratitude that comes from the heart, as an attitude of life.
We complain for an infinite number of reasons, sometimes even rightly so; sometimes we do it to get approval or compassion from others.
There are the occasional complainers and then the chronic ones, those who take pleasure in sharing their complaints to let off steam, or to play the victim, or simply to get attention.
“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.”
Rumi
Let us remember how the Hebrew Bible dramatically describes the endless dissatisfaction and demands of the children of Israel upon leaving Egypt during the crossing through the desert, on the way to the Land of Israel.
They complained left and right and rebelled against God and Moses, their leader. It is understandable that despite the wonders surrounding them, under such harsh conditions their sight was blinded and they could not see the light at the desert’s end: the promised land.
Many centuries of slavery had taken away their ability to make decisions and seek a noble and independent existence.
When I re-read these stories, I think how we tend to resemble those wary pilgrims who thousands of years ago were condemned to wander through the desert of life, trapped in a vicious circle that led only to misery and despair.
“Accusing fate, complaining about God and men, griping over ‘the miserable luck’ that we have is absolutely useless. Often, we believe that in this way we will relieve our heart of a weight that oppresses us, when in fact this increasingly weighs on us – not to mention that it irritates all those around us – since he who complains always sinks deeper in the ocean of life, instead of rising to new heights,” writes Karl Otto Schmidt in Un nouvel art de vivre.
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”
Albert Schweitzer
This is exactly the issue that concerns us in this chapter: how to rise above the dreariness and uselessness of meaningless complaints, and seek an illuminating and liberating way out. Stuck in our bubble, we get carried away by routine and run on autopilot.
Even when blessings appear on our doorstep, we are not open to receiving them, as we are often imprisoned by fear, anxiety and expectations.
Gratitude connects us to our best feelings and thoughts, and helps us look beyond ourselves.
We know from experience that gratitude nurtures more gratitude for what we have.
According to the wisdom of the Kabbalah, the most powerful antidote to complaint is gratitude as a spiritual attitude. Hasidic masters suggest that gratitude is a way of life, an outlook that can relieve individuals of their suffering. This gives direction and meaning to human existence. That is why gratitude should be practiced in all circumstances, and obsession with regret, envy, etc. should be set aside. In this way, a conscience is cultivated that allows us to face the tests of fate without bitterness.
The eminent Catholic theologian Henry Nouwen says:
“All that is has been freely given by the God of love. Everything is grace. Light and water, roof and food, work and leisure, children, parents, grandparents, life and death; everything has been given to us. Why? So that we can thank: thank God, thank each other, thank each and every one of us.”
In the same vein, David Steindl–Rast, a Benedictine monk and prominent thinker, who has made gratitude a cornerstone of his spiritual conception, says that becoming a grateful person requires habitual practice: “From experience we know that whenever we are really awake and alive, we are also truly grateful.”
A great source of inspiration for all religions is, without a doubt, the Book of Psalms, whose classic verses are filled with the highest spirit of gratitude. This is summarized in the verse: “Hallelujah! Give thanks to the Eternal, because it is good; because His mercy is forever.” Psalm 106: 1.
Who hasn’t felt deeply moved when listening to Mercedes Sosa sing this song by Violeta Parra, who has had such an impact on popular South American folklore? Here we read some lines of the famous song “Thank you, life”:
“Thank you, life, which has given me so much.
It gave me two beams of light, that when opened,
Can perfectly distinguish black from white
And in the sky above, her starry backdrop,
And from within the multitude
The one that I love.
Thank you to life, which has given me so much.
It gave me sounds and the alphabet.
With them the words that I think and declare:
“Mother,” “Friend,” “Brother” and the light shining.
The route of the soul from which comes love…”
While the option to feel grateful is always within our reach, we often forget it and ignore it. There are also those who believe they owe nothing to anybody.
Removing our ego and false pride, and recognizing that our well-being depends on other people, is the only way to put our capacity for appreciation into practice.
The Kabbalah teaches us that gratitude as a feeling can be very ephemeral if it is not exercised and internalized.
Thus, the teachers often said:
“Whoever learns from his fellow man, be it a chapter or a rule, a verse, an expression, or even a single letter, must show him respect.”
A great mystic, the 18th century rabbi Nachman of Breslov, taught that gratitude is incompatible with arrogance, resentment and selfishness. He said that “gratitude joins its sister joy, and is always ready to light a candle and celebrate a party. Gratitude disdains the old vices of boredom and despair, and does not take for granted gifts of life, great or small. Conscious gratitude is the attitude that ensures we can confront life’s trials without bitterness.”
Other Hasidic teachers also emphasize that unless we train ourselves to be grateful, even during the difficulties and setbacks that we face, we are destined for a life of misery.
It is true that there are times and situations when life does not smile at us, and gratitude does not come naturally. Nevertheless, even in such times, it is always possible to find something positive and illuminating.
A well-known parable tells of a farmer who had a son. They had a horse, which they used to help them with hard work in the fields. One day, the fence was left open, and the horse escaped to the nearby mountains. The elders approached this good man to sympathize with him.
“Such bad luck! What will you do now without a horse?
“Good luck or bad luck, who knows?” answered the farmer.
A few days later, the horse returned, followed by some wild mares. The father and son were able to enclose them within the fence. The jealous villagers came to congratulate the man.
“Lucky you! Now you have several horses to help you. What a gift!”
“Good luck or bad luck, who knows?” the farmer replied simply.
This parable conveys a lesson that everyone could live firsthand. How often do situations, even unpleasant ones, eventually reveal themselves as hidden blessings? How can we know in advance?
“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses.”
Alphonse Karr
Let us look, for example, at the case of Leopoldo Pfefferberg, whom was saved from certain death by the famous Oskar Schindler, whom we will discuss later. Pfefferberg convinced the Australian writer Thomas Keneally to write a book that would become known as Schindler’s List. His motive: to fulfill a promise made to Schindler – a savior of Jews during World War II – that immediately after the war, his name would be known to the world. Indeed, both the book and the subsequent film, directed by Steven Spielberg, helped this story of such noble actions reach the entire world.
Every time I visit the State of Israel, I am always moved to visit the Yad Vashem, which is the main Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem. But there is one particular area that has special value to me, and it is the space dedicated to the “Righteous Among the Nations.” This section of the museum inspires within me, in the words of the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, a sense of “fear and trembling.” It is dedicated to honoring hundreds of people from other religions who saved the lives of Jews in danger due to Nazi persecution, even at the risk of their personal safety. Many names are known, people of all nationalities, but I always wonder how many more, true anonymous heroes, exposed their lives in the midst of the catastrophe and collective blindness.
Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
A contemporary author, John Demartini, has pondered the virtues of gratitude in his book Gratitude Effect, and how it powerfully moves the emotional and spiritual realms. He says that not feeling grateful for what one does and receives is like moving with the handbrake on. Quoting one of his teachers, he concludes that “if there is a day when you cannot be grateful for something, review it and contemplate it from another perspective, with other eyes, until you see its purpose and feel gratitude. Otherwise, you will carry that day to the next day. In the future, you will never be completely present because you will be stuck on that day. ”
“When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.”
Kristin Armstrong
According to the story of Genesis, at the conclusion of each of the seven days of creation, “the Creator saw that it was good.”
Each day has its light, beauty, intrinsic goodness and uniqueness, although sometimes we find it difficult to recognize and value.
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough,” says Meister Eckart (13th century), in this memorable phrase.
An inspiring story is told of a girl who lived with her family in a remote village in India. Lacking a home, they were living in an old abandoned bus. One day she received a visitor and showed him her “room,” which was nothing more than a ramshackle compartment in the old vehicle. On one of the “walls,” there was a colorful tapestry.
“Don’t you think my tapestry is wonderful?” exclaimed the girl.
Of course, the visitor was speechless at what he had just heard. In that ramshackle place, incredibly, this girl was able to focus on the color and beauty of the tapestry.
It was truly a life lesson. And a lesson of gratitude. Everyone can apply this lesson to their own life, too:
When you face a difficult situation, step back, close your eyes, and imagine beauty where you see breakage: go inside yourself and visualize perfection.
The Hebrew term for recognizing the intrinsic goodness in our lives is called “hokarat hatov,” to appreciate the positive and act accordingly.
Unfortunately, this sense of gratitude is not common in modern life, and for that reason we must train our mind to cultivate and develop it, especially valuing the importance of intangible goods such as health and friendship.
True gratitude is something that emanates from our heart. It expands our consciousness and motivates us to take the noblest actions.
The teaching of a rabbinical proverb:
“If you have done minor damage to your neighbor, consider it serious. If you have done your neighbor much good, consider it little. If a neighbor has done you a small favor, consider it big. If your neighbor has hurt you greatly, consider it little.”
It is fascinating how modern psychology and neuroscience agree on the benefits of gratitude. Recent studies have highlighted the advantages of having an outlook of satisfaction and contentment. According to modern scientific research, expressing feelings of gratitude gives way to an optimal level of neuroplasticity, which opens up the possibility of restructuring our mind, allowing better connections of neurons or brain cells. The bottom line: no matter your age, there’s always time to change and evolve!
Beyond the philosophical subtleties of gratitude, this multidisciplinary approach demonstrates how your practice can positively affect levels of well-being and foster an optimistic approach to life.
“In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
In this light, I find new importance in the observations of psychology professor Robert Emmons in his book Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier: Drawing on extensive research, this specialist recommends keeping a diary to record personal episodes of gratitude. Emmons states that “gratitude is an impression of enchantment that drives us to give thanks and enjoy life.”
Other healthy effects of gratitude have been identified as well, such as: strengthening our immune system and interacting more positively with other people, reducing self-centeredness, depression and negativity. This helps put things in perspective and open our heart to realities beyond yourself.
And beware: it has no side effects!
As William Blake masterfully puts it: “Gratitude is paradise.”
“Gratitude, like certain flowers, does not require great height and blossoms best in the good land of the humble.”
José Martín
Jeffrey Froh, professor of psychology at Hofstra University, made a study in which a group of high school students were asked to keep “gratitude diaries” for two weeks. The children wrote down some things for which they were thankful on a daily basis. A second group of children noted small daily annoyances and a third group did not report anything. The students who were made to think about what they were thankful for experienced an increase in optimism and a decrease in negative feelings. Based on his research, this teacher designed a school curriculum (in English), which can be viewed online, to encourage a sense of gratitude among students.
Another great researcher on the subject, Sonja Lyubomirsky, says: “Gratitude is a term that covers many realities of our world: to marvel, to appreciate life, to see the positive side of things, to become aware of abundance, to thank someone, to thank God, to be satisfied with what one has. It consists of knowing how to savor things, of not taking anything for granted, of being content with what we have, of enjoying the present.”
A personal anecdote: Some while ago I was surprised to receive a message, via Facebook, from an acquaintance whom I had not seen in years, since the time he was a young student in one of my university courses. He thanked me for the positive influence I had exercised on him at a crucial moment in his life. I did not remember doing anything special for him in relation to others in his class, but I was thrilled that years later he was able to look back and express warm recognition.
Across the ages, people have marked their collective lives with parties and ceremonies. Religious traditions observe great occasions of celebration and commemoration, such as Passover for the Jews and Easter for Christians.
Years ago, I had the opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States, a holiday popular in both the US and Canada. It is typically a family gathering whose origin dates back to the prayer of gratitude of the first English settlers for the joy of freedom in the New World, as well as for the new harvest. It is certainly a nice festive occasion at home, of which I have pleasant memories. Food surely was not lacking (stuffed turkey is the main course of the feast).
Sometimes I think: would it not be enlightening to turn every day into Thanksgiving Day?
Exercises for gratitude
* Reflect on the following: what kind of guest are we? How do we thank and appreciate what other people do for us?
* You can show your appreciation to family members, teachers and loved ones, both near and far, who at one time or another have accompanied you and helped you navigate the storms of life. If they are alive, you can send them an email, thanking them for the influence they have had on you. Thanks to them and the love you have received, you are who you are now. Make this gesture a daily practice.
* Stop complaining for one day, then continue for two, and so on.
* I have always been impressed by the first morning prayer in the Jewish ritual, which is called "Mode ani," or "I recognize," expressing gratitude to the Creator for being alive, for being able to reconnect with life and begin a new day.
* It is recommended, as you open your eyes in the morning, to implement the healthy habit of giving thanks for being alive and preparing ourselves for our daily work. How wonderful it is to appreciate and recognize the various marvelous gifts offered to us daily!
* You can also be thankful for every complicated circumstance you had have to experience, as an opportunity for learning and growth. It is in those moments of difficulty and anguish that you can gain a more considerate and compassionate heart. The rainbow shines after darkness and rain, announcing a new dawn.
* The exercise of writing down three things that you are grateful for at the end of each day is suggested. At first, it may be hard to write them down, but with practice, it becomes natural and routine, and its effects are tangibly felt.
* Write down the number of times you say the word "thank you" in a day. Practice to improve your record.
* Send one message per week to whomever you want, expressing your appreciation for some kind gesture or care you have received. This satisfies the need for self-esteem and recognition and also does not cost anything.
* Accept with pleasure, like a gift, some compliment or praise from others.
* Unlimited gratitude: practice saying "thank you" mentally to everything you encounter on your path throughout the day; to your body, your possessions, the people you live with, the nature around you, such as the sun or the clouds, etc.
* Think about some negative things from the previous week and try to reformulate them in a positive way. For example, the grocery order is delayed, but it is fortunate that I still have food at home.
* You can create a gratitude charm that will constantly remind you of the value of appreciation. It should be a small, easy-to-carry object, whether it is a quartz stone, a ring or a significant figure that evokes a sense of gratitude. Keep it close to you constantly, and when you see it or touch it you can remember the magic word "thank you" over and over again. You can also share it with others.
* You can also create a circle of gratitude, either in person or through Facebook, for example, by sharing stories, anecdotes, poetry, etc.
* Describe in your diary what you experience when you feel gratitude. In what situations have you already felt it ?
* The mind, constantly shaken up by thousands of thoughts, tends to reduce this impulse of gratitude. To help, try exercises of "mindfulness" or "full consciousness" to focus on the here and now. Take regular time to stop and focus on your feelings at that given moment.
* The attitude of gratitude is, without a doubt, a personal choice. You decide at every moment where to focus your attention: on what you have or what you lack, in the grief of the loss of a loved one or in the joy that he or she lived, in a love that faded or in the happiness of having experienced it in the past.
"Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”
Zig Ziglar