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Fedd Books

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ISBN: 978-1-949784-39-8

eISBN: 978-1-949784-40-4

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020903562

Printed in the United States of America

First Edition 15 14 13 12 11 / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

Introduction

THE BACK BURNER

When I was little, my mind was full of dreams. On any given day, I dreamed of being a professional dancer, a veterinarian, a lawyer, the first female president—sometimes of being all of those things at once. I had a bin in our playroom full of dress-up clothes, so you never knew if I was going to be a Hollywood actress or an extraordinary doctor who earned her third Nobel Prize. I was unashamed, ready, and willing to tell anyone who asked about my dreams what I wanted to be. And I honestly believed I could achieve any of them.

Childhood dreams are so pure and uninhibited, and for the most part, people encourage imagination and exploration. When we are young, no one feels the need to temper our dreams. Then somewhere between childhood and adulthood, people begin to question our dreams more. People begin to expect pragmatic, reasonable, and logical dreams rather than imaginative, visionary, and bold ones. Somewhere along the way, we are told to shrink back.

We begin to buy into this idea that we have to be realistic and practical. You can either be logical or visionary. You can either be all business, or you can be a daydreamer—there’s no room for both. It is as though there is this invisible box that we are all expected to fit inside. As long as your dreams fit inside the box, things will be okay, but heaven forbid you dare to dream beyond the box. For some reason, all of a sudden, we begin to feel the need to be “realists.” We look at our dreams in such a practical manner that we unknowingly take our dreams and squish them in that box.

We begin to question ourselves, our dreams, and our capabilities. We start to only attempt things that we know we will be able to do. I don’t think we ever truly stop dreaming, but most of us just begin to pay less and less attention to our dreams. We begin to downsize them, often to the point where they disappear altogether.

As women, we have a tendency to put our dreams on the back burner. You know how we all have a favorite stovetop burner that we always prefer to use? And there is one that we never use for whatever reason? Similar to those stovetop burners, we have responsibilities that we tend to put first and dreams that we tend to suppress or ignore. More often than not, women have a plethora of things in the forefront of their minds: spouse, kids, all of their activities, school, work, friends, laundry, grocery shopping, random things that we’ve said yes to but can’t for the life of us remember why. And then we realize there is no more room for our dreams, so we place them on the back burner—the one we never look at and often forget about. We pay less attention to our dreams in order to help fulfill the dreams of those around us. Whether it’s because we’ve been told we can’t achieve our dreams, or that we can’t be too successful, or because we naturally help others more than we help ourselves, chasing after dreams as women isn’t exactly easy or encouraged. Our tendencies toward self-doubt, insecurity, and comparison often hold us back and keep us stuck in our limitations. We get squished back into that invisible box of what’s reasonable, acceptable, and necessary with no room for anything extra.

Time seems to be the culprit. There are not enough hours in the day for dreams, right? If we look a little deeper, we will see that our priorities are actually what need adjusting. How many of us have thought: I will pursue that when my babies are no longer little and in diapers. I will start that project when my children are in school. I will get to it when my kids are more self-sufficient. Once I get them all off to college, the time will be perfect.

Or maybe your narrative sounds more like: I will begin when work slows down. I will attempt to start when they hire someone else to take the load off of me. When I am able to quit this job, I can really pursue my true dream. We sit back and let these words play on repeat in our minds. We do all the other things and wait for the perfect timing. We wait for the situation to be less risky. We are waiting for the laundry to be folded and the kids to be potty-trained, for the holidays to end and for January to roll around so we can make some resolutions. We are waiting for the front burners of our mind to be empty before we ever think to turn on the back burner and let our dreams come back to life again. The problem is—those front burner things don’t ever fully go away. So, we’ve got some work to do. How can we begin to balance and prioritize our responsibilities and those big dreams in our hearts?

This world is full of women with so many visions, goals, and dreams bottled up inside of them. But far too many are scared to take the steps and put in the work to see their dreams come to life. Is it easy to accomplish your dreams? No, it’s not. In fact, it will require work, dedication, and consistency. But as women, we have a strength and persistence that is unmatched. We have to take our dedication that is usually reserved for others and put it toward ourselves and our dreams. Girls, it isn’t arrogant or selfish to believe in yourself and believe you can achieve your dreams. If anything, I think many of us lack this kind of confidence. We doubt ourselves, we count ourselves out, we think, “That’s for her but not me.” That is nonsense. Whatever your dream or goal is, I want to help you go from shrugging it off to multiplying it by ten and visualizing yourself crushing it! Over the coming chapters, I want to equip you with some really practical ways to take steps towards bringing those big dreams to life.

We have to take our dedication that is usually reserved for others and put it toward ourselves and our dreams.

Let me tell you, though, as you start to pursue your dream, it will feel as though everything and everyone is out to stop you. You, for one, will get in your own way. There will be so many excuses that will rear their ugly heads. Insecurity, self-doubt, and fear of stepping into the unknown will come at you. We can’t forget the mile-long list of “What Ifs” that will go through your head and attempt to trip you up. Then there is your past. Your past will try to haunt you, reminding you of all the times you failed before. All of a sudden, you begin to second guess if you are even worthy of your dream.

In order to get to the actual “achieve your dreams” part of life, we’ve got to first identify the kinds of excuses we make. I want to walk through each excuse listed above and demonstrate how these things don’t have the final word in our lives. The only small problem? We’ve repeated these excuses to ourselves so much that we actually have come to believe them. Sister, I want to confront these excuses with the truth. As we begin to ditch our excuses and replant truth in our hearts, we will grow in confidence, in boldness, and in character. I want to not just tell you the truth, but help you truly believe that you can do hard things. You can see that dream in your heart become your real life.

I am a dreamer. Like I told you, I have been since I was a little girl. But even as a self-proclaimed dreamer, every time I discover a new dream, my mind starts to wander toward thoughts of doubt and fear. It seems impossible, daunting, and even crazy at first. Each time I come to this crossroads in my heart and mind, I have the choice to ignore the dream or to tackle it. Retreating is so much easier than actually going into battle to fight for that dream. Most of us tend to dismiss the dream rather than pursue it because we don’t like to make waves or press into any sort of discomfort. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself, and the world, is make waves. Sometimes the bravest and best thing you can do is dream anyway—dream despite the excuses, insecurity, fear, criticism, and doubt. Dream because uninhibited dreams can change the world—especially your world!

I have not always been so sure of myself, though. My dream-first mentality has emerged after years of hard work and discipline. Let me tell you how things were when this all started. My husband, John, and I had been married for about a year, and we were living in Midland, Texas. Things were tight financially. I was in college and working as an assistant to a family. I also taught dance classes, and John worked for a cell phone company and was on staff at a church. Things were good. Sure, we could have had some more wiggle room in our finances, but I didn’t dare complain. When dreams would pop into my head, I would quickly dismiss them. I had a good life, better than so many others, so who was I to dare dream bigger? I thought it was selfish to dream of a larger ministry, a bigger home, and more income. I thought dreaming of more meant I was not content with what I had right then. But why would it be selfish to dream bigger? Even within ministry, why is it bad to dream of impacting even more people for Jesus? It’s not! But back then, I often felt guilty enlarging my vision. As quick as a dream entered my heart, I would just as soon scale back.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself, and the world, is make waves.

In that first year of marriage, our very first apartment was only 500 square feet. We loved it, but it was a bit difficult trying to cram in twenty young adults when they all came over to watch American Idol. Because we ran the young adults’ ministry, the hang outs were always at our home. I told the Lord that if He blessed us with a house, we would use it for His glory and the doors would always be open. Yes, I was thankful for our apartment, but I had to remind myself it was okay to dream of more. I dreamed of owning a home, and maybe a year later, we were able to buy our first home. This was my first lesson in learning that you can be grateful and content with what you have but still dream bigger.

Still, other dreams in my heart started to shrink again when kids came along. After having my second daughter, life felt overwhelming for me. Having two babies under two years old, both in diapers at the same time, was nothing like I imagined. My Type-A, OCD self struggled. My always-clean house was, more often than not, filled with baby toys, crushed cheerios, and piles of laundry that had been waiting to be done for well over a week. If I am going to be completely honest, my husband would run out of clean underwear and have to start a load of laundry at 10:00 p.m. almost weekly because I couldn’t stay on top of the mounting pile. I felt, as so many mothers do, that I was hanging on by a thread and at any moment it was going to snap.

Somewhere in all this, I had started a blog that, at one point, I hoped would really be something special. During this season as a new mom, the blog was no longer a priority. The dreams I had for impacting other women through writing began to fade. Even the speaking engagements I had once started taking at different women’s ministry events became less frequent and then came to a complete halt. Suddenly, those other things outside of keeping my home running began to seem selfish. They were my dreams, but right now, I couldn’t even keep up with these two baby girls and my household. So, I let go and gave up. And isn’t it funny that we are often the first ones to talk ourselves out of our dreams?

Since those early days of marriage and motherhood, I have learned to dream of more for myself and my family. I have seen many of those dreams come true. Although our homes have changed and grown, we have always made sure to have open doors. Even now, when people don’t have somewhere to eat for Thanksgiving they are welcome here. (We had thirty-five people eat with us last year!) I am blessed that my current home has a spacious office, and I get to work from home and be with my babies while pouring into, empowering, and speaking to women every day. And I’m happy to report the laundry situation is now under control. How did I get there? Little teeny tiny steps. Incremental changes in my thoughts toward myself. And hard work.

When I began my own business in 2014, I did not dream of being a Top 10 income earner, making millions of dollars, or having a team of thousands. My original dream was to earn eighty dollars a month to put my daughter in dance class. Shoot, if I could make a few hundred dollars a month, that was more than I could have dreamed of earning, and I could maybe go to Target on a whim. Somewhere along the way, that seed of the dream took root, and I decided to let go of fear, release the limitations I was putting on myself, and just go for it. I looked at other top income earners, many of them moms just like me, and I thought: Why not? Why not me? I decided to be bold and audacious. I thought: Why not reach for the stars and see if I could do it? So, I did just that! As a result, I achieved those dreams and then some! After each dream was achieved, I would quickly dream up a new one. Sure, self-doubt and insecurity would creep in each time, but I made the choice to ignore those fears and instead tell myself I can do hard things and I will do them. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).

Through pursuing my dreams of being a mom, being financially stable, and starting my own business, I have been able to reach and bless more people than I ever thought possible. The process of pursuing my dreams was hard. It took me breaking down the lies and excuses that would come up when I started to think my goals were not achievable. I had to tackle excuses like “I don’t have time,” or “My dreams aren’t important enough,” or “What if I fail?” I had to learn to take my thoughts captive. I would catch the thoughts trying to sabotage my dream in action and replace those thoughts with truths about who I am and what I am capable of accomplishing. And as I grow in this practice of embracing truth, my dreams grow. Through this process, I have learned to not limit myself. I began to really believe Ephesians 3:20-21, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory . . .” God can do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. He is for us and has deposited dreams in our heart that we are designed to fulfill.

When I think about all the beautiful dreams left untouched on the back burner, something inside me starts brewing. If I have figured out some things that have helped me bring those dreams to the forefront of my life, I need to share that with others. I want to remind you, my friends and sisters, that you were made for a purpose, and your dreams, passions, and gifts are all part of that purpose. Pursuing what we are passionate about helps us be the best people we can be. When we are using our gifts and passion to build, create, and execute our dreams, we contribute to the world, we make it a better place, and we make each other better. We can change the world through pursuing our dreams, and who doesn’t want to change the world? Not only do you deserve to chase after your dreams, the world needs you to.

When we let insecurity and self-doubt have free rein in our minds, we let the excuses seem a lot bigger than they actually are. They loom over us and weigh us down. Excuses can be detrimental to becoming the woman you were made to be. You may think that you are being logical or level-headed when you minimize your dreams, but in reality, you are letting excuses keep you from taking the proper steps to achieve your dreams. In this book, we will look at these common excuses that stop women from going after their dreams, then we will break them down and replace them with the truths about who we are and what we are capable of achieving.

When we embrace the truths of who we are, we begin dreaming again.

We can’t go back to the unhindered and unchallenged dreams of our youth, but we can take the experience, truth, and unshakable identities that we do have, and we can choose to dream anyway. I want you to walk away from these pages knowing and believing you can do hard things. When we choose to dream despite all the obstacles that come our way, we develop a strength that is incomparable. When we kick excuses to the curb, we stop limiting ourselves. When we embrace the truths of who we are, we begin dreaming again.