THE NEW PARENTS’ SURVIVAL GUIDE

This updated edition copyright © Wendy Green, 2020
First published in 2015

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Wendy Green has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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To my children, Paul and Kathryn, and grandsons, Scott, Dylan and Kieran, who all taught me an awful lot about babies!

INTRODUCTION

Having a baby is an amazing, joyful experience, but it brings with it a new set of responsibilities that can feel overwhelming at times – especially in the first three months. While there is a wealth of information out there on how to care for your new baby, much of it glosses over the reality of life as a first-time parent.

This book aims to offer a more realistic picture of what caring for a newborn is like, so it contains real-life new parents’ experiences and tips, and offers advice on the issues you are most likely to encounter, such as feeding and sleeping problems, tiredness, how to cope if your baby cries a lot and, just as importantly, how to look after yourself – especially in the early days when you are feeling exhausted from the massive physical and emotional upheaval you have just undergone. While most parents experience similar problems, what is clear from the real-life stories is that there is no one “right” way to care for your baby, as they are all individuals and you are the expert on your own baby and what is best for you both.

In this book, you will find chapters on what to buy in preparation for your baby’s arrival, basic baby care and first-aid skills, both for emergencies and treating minor ailments, such as nappy rash and colic. There’s also information on how breastfeeding works, which will help you to understand the advice on how to breastfeed and how to overcome common problems. The book also looks at the pros and cons of breastfeeding, bottle-feeding and combination feeding to help you choose the method that best suits you and your baby.

You will also find out how to calm your crying baby, as well as how to settle them to sleep and establish a good sleep routine. All parents want to make sure that their baby is developing normally, so there is a chapter about the milestones your baby should reach in the first three months. The final chapter is all about you – the changes you are likely to notice in your body post-pregnancy, as well as how to look after yourself to enable you to cope with the physical and emotional demands of caring for your new baby. At the end of the book, you will find details on useful products and helpful books and organizations. I hope you will find this book a helpful and reassuring resource as you begin your journey into parenthood.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I’d like to thank Claire Plimmer for commissioning this book and casting a “mum’s eye” over the content. I’m also very grateful to Denyse Kirkby, midwifery lecturer and author of My Mini Midwife, and Sally Lewis, author and expert in antenatal and postnatal health and fitness, for taking time out of their busy schedules to write the forewords. Thanks also to Debbie Chapman and Sandy Draper for their very helpful editorial input.

DISCLAIMER

Every effort has been made to ensure that the information in this book is accurate and current at the time of publication. The author and the publisher cannot accept responsibility for any misuse or misunderstanding of any information contained herein, or any loss, damage or injury, be it health, financial or otherwise, suffered by any individual or group acting upon or relying on information contained herein. None of the opinions or suggestions in this book is intended to replace medical opinion. If you have concerns about your or your baby’s health, please seek professional advice.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Although it’s been a number of years since I had my two children, my experiences of being a grandparent and of researching and writing this book made me realize that nothing has really changed: new parents face exactly the same concerns and issues that my then husband and I did.

The first three months were the most demanding; everything was new to us. I’d never even changed a baby’s nappy, let alone bathed a baby. Once I had left hospital, there was no support with breastfeeding, and no one talked about how difficult it is having a new baby. For those first few weeks, life seemed to revolve around breastfeeds and nappy changes – my then husband soon realized that if he wanted to eat, he would have to cook!

It wasn’t any easier the second time around, as by then I had a 14-month-old toddler, as well as a new baby to cope with. On the day my husband returned to work after a week’s leave, I was still in my dressing gown at 1 p.m., and my son had spent most of the morning in his high chair while I breastfed his baby sister. I remember wondering how on earth I would ever manage to take a bath or go shopping. On top of all that, my daughter developed colic when she was a couple of weeks old, so I had to deal with her crying for long periods. Then, of course, there was the broken sleep due to the night feeds. But I quickly learned how to juggle caring for two babies, and as time went on, I started to relax and enjoy being a mother.

The truth is, the reality of having a baby is much different to how we think it’s going to be. Nothing can prepare you for it, but I hope that this book will give you some insight into what to expect in the first three months of your baby’s life and help you cope with the worries and issues you may encounter – including lack of sleep, lack of time and feeling overwhelmed at times – safe in the knowledge that you most definitely are not alone. Despite the challenges, at the end of the first three months, I’m sure you’ll agree that becoming a parent is one of the best things you ever did!

FOREWORD

By Denyse Kirkby – registered midwife NMC, registered midwifery teacher NMC, registered public health practitioner UKPHPR and author of My Mini Midwife

The very best parenting is often discovered through perseverance and a willingness to try out new techniques, rather than through prior expertise or specialized training. However, when new parents are suffering from sleep deprivation and a desire to only give their baby the very best of their care, it is a challenge to be able to think of new ways to satisfy their baby’s demands.

The New Parents’ Survival Guide offers parents a variety of techniques to try, with anecdotes from other parents as well as the author’s own experiences with parenting, and the reasoning behind her advice.

No new experience is the same for every parent, but this little book is crammed full of suggestions, and there is bound to be something in here that will support every parent with deciphering their baby’s needs, and with getting themselves as prepared as possible beforehand.

The honest, insightful and detailed sections on the highs and lows of parenting in the early months turn The New Parents’ Survival Guide into a map that will show parents how to get to the other side of the fourth trimester with their sense of humour intact.

FOREWORD

By Sally Lewis – antenatal and postnatal health advisor

No one ever said being a parent was easy. During the many years I have spent teaching both ante and postnatal classes, I have heard plenty of advice offered to new prospective parents. From family members, to friends, even complete strangers, everyone it appears has an opinion, and many, as you will probably discover, are best ignored. But home alone, the prospects of caring for and understanding your newborn baby’s needs and requirements in those first few months can feel daunting and, at times, overwhelming. That’s where this book provides the perfect companion. With its easy-to-read style, the book allows you to dip in and out of the sections you need as you negotiate your way through the early days of parenthood.

The New Parents’ Survival Guide offers practical, simple advice; indeed, it’s a bit like having a very reassuring mother or best friend sitting beside you, offering help and support as you begin your journey into parenthood, without them having to actually move in.

1

BE PREPARED

PREPARE THE NURSERY

You might want to decorate the room that will eventually be your baby’s nursery, even though your baby will be sleeping in your bedroom until they are at least six months; this is the current recommendation for safer sleeping – but you should not share a bedroom if you or your partner smokes. It is certainly a good idea to decorate the nursery before your baby is born, as it will be a lot harder to find the time when you have a new baby to care for. Also, it’s best to allow plenty of time for the nursery to air after painting or redecorating to avoid any strong fumes in the room when you start using it for your baby. The nursery will also be an ideal place to store a lot of their equipment and clothing.

TOP TIPS ON PREPARING YOUR BABY’S NURSERY

• If you have more than one room to choose from, pick the one that is closest to your bedroom.
• Preferably, it should be a quiet room away from noisy roads and places where children play.
• Choose plain, neutral colours, such as cream or beige, so that it will be easy to update the room with colourful murals or wall stickers, posters and bedding as your child grows.
• Use low-fume or child-friendly paints and natural floor coverings, such as a wool carpet or wood flooring, to reduce the number of chemicals your baby will be exposed to.
• Choose washable paint so it is easy to clean.
• Blackout blinds and heavy curtains will help to ensure your baby sleeps soundly.
• Choose cordless blinds to avoid the risk of entanglement.
• Don’t put your baby’s cot near a window or a radiator.
• A comfortable chair/rocking chair where you can cuddle your baby and perhaps share a bedtime song or story is a useful addition.
• Check for any draughts that might be coming through windows, floorboards and doors and ensure they’re plugged.

DESIGNATE SOME “BABY AREAS”

Think about where you will keep your baby’s pram or buggy when it’s not in use. Most people use the hall or a spot under the stairs, but if space is at a premium, you could keep it in your car boot or in a secure shed or garage.

Designate an area in your living room where you can store your baby’s nappies, toiletries and a few items of clothing, so that you always have them close to hand. A portable baby box or a baby-changing bag is ideal for keeping your baby’s everyday essential items all in one place.

CHECKLIST – HAVE YOU GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED?

While it is important to make sure you have all of the necessary items you and your baby will need in the first few months, you don’t need to go overboard. One new mum, Pam, pointed out that many of the things she bought for her baby’s nursery went unused. For example, she bought a cot bumper, only to learn that they aren’t recommended for safety reasons – as babies can overheat or get tangled in the fasteners once they become more mobile. She also bought a changing unit, but found that she preferred to change her baby on a changing mat on the floor. So do bear in mind that a lot of items you’ll see in the shops are unnecessary, or even a safety hazard, and if money is short, it is best to focus on the key items you and your baby will really need and use. Provided you have the basics to start with, you can always buy extra items as and when you need them.

CLOTHING

Six to eight all-in-one suits (babygrows) – perfect for the first three months when your baby will probably hate being dressed and undressed; they are cool enough for the summer and, with the addition of a vest and maybe a cardigan, they are cosy enough for the winter. They have convenient popper fastenings to help you change their nappy quickly and easily.

Six to eight vests (bodysuits) – these have envelope necks to make putting them on easy and poppers for easy nappy changes. In the winter, they can be worn under an all-in-one, and in really hot weather they can be worn alone. You can buy short or long-sleeved versions to suit different times of the year.

Four cardigans or light fleece tops – these provide extra warmth during the winter and on cooler summer days.

One coat or padded all-in-one suit – this is an essential item for winter-born babies, but if your baby will spend a lot of time travelling in a car, as well as a pram, make sure you choose one that is not too thick, as your baby may overheat.

Warm mittens – if your baby is due in the winter.

Two hats – woollen or fleece hats for the winter will keep your baby warm when outdoors; remember, your baby will lose a lot of heat from their head. For the summer, cotton wide-brimmed (fisherman style) or foreign-legion styles will protect your baby’s face, ears and neck from the sun. Those with an elasticated or Velcro strap that fits under the chin are great for making sure they stay in place. A couple of cotton jersey pull-on hats are ideal for premature babies, or for cool summer days.

OPTIONAL EXTRAS

You could get away with dressing your baby in the items listed above, but you may want to add some optional extras such as:

One or two dresses/sets of tops and trousers – these are good for days when you may want to dress up your baby a little.

Four pairs of tights/socks – socks have a tendency to fall off and get lost, and if you buy all-in-one suits, you shouldn’t need them. However, if you want your baby to wear a dress or trousers occasionally, you will need some. Tights are ideal for baby girls to wear with dresses on a cold day – though they can be a little tricky to put on!

Two pairs of scratch mittens – these can come in handy if your baby has a tendency to scratch themselves with their nails. However, you might want to wait and see if you need them first.

NAPPY CHANGING

Nappies (a 45-pack of disposable nappies or 20 reusable) – your newborn will need frequent nappy changes – as many as 12 a day – so make sure you buy enough to get you through the first couple of days. However, avoid buying dozens of nappies until you know your baby’s weight – a pack of newborn size should suffice initially. There is a huge choice of nappies available, but the main two types are disposable or reusable.

Disposable nappies are the most convenient because you don’t have to spend time washing them. They also tend to be more absorbent than cotton nappies, so they don’t need changing as often.

On the other hand, according to the National Childbirth Trust (NCT), cotton reusable nappies work out cheaper than disposables – by as much as £900 per year – depending on which brands you compare (during the period your baby is in nappies) and are more environmentally friendly – if they are washed at 40˚C and line dried. If you go for modern fitted cotton nappies rather than terry-towelling ones, they are as easy to put on your baby as disposables. Traditional white square terry-towelling nappies are the cheapest, but you have to fold them to fit your baby, and they need to be worn with a nappy liner and plastic pants.

Basically, the decision is down to cost and environmental considerations versus convenience. The choice is yours. However, even if you opt for reusable nappies, it is a good idea to keep a pack of disposables in reserve for days when you haven’t got any clean or dry reusable ones.

Nappy pail – this is a bucket with a secure-fitting lid where you can store soiled nappies, or soak them in hot soapy water, prior to washing. A nappy pail can also be used as a bin for bagged-up, used disposable nappies – so you don’t need to keep dashing out to the wheelie bin so often.

Nappy sacks – soiled nappies smell, so it’s a good idea to put them in a bag before you bin them.

Baby wipes – if you intend to use them (see page 25).

Barrier or nappy rash cream – a thin layer of cream can be applied to your baby’s bottom at every nappy change to prevent and treat nappy rash.

A changing mat – these are usually foam filled with a wipe-clean surface. Some mats come with a removable towel liner, but these are usually more expensive and not really necessary. You can also buy lightweight travel changing mats that fold up and have handles, so that you always have a hygienic surface you can change your baby’s nappy on when you’re out and about.

BREASTFEEDING EQUIPMENT

It could be argued that if you plan to breastfeed your baby, you won’t need any special equipment – however you may find these items useful:

Breast pads – these disposable or reusable cotton pads fit inside your bra cups and absorb any leaking milk.

A breast pump – if you/your partner plan to give your baby breast milk from a bottle at times, then an electric or hand breast pump can make expressing milk much faster.

Two nursing bras – many women manage to breastfeed while wearing a well-fitting, comfortable bra – you can just lift the bra cup up during feeding. However, there are specially designed nursing bras with drop cups for easier access during feeding. They are also designed to give you extra support to the breasts at a time when they are likely to be a cup size or two bigger than usual. You can still wear an underwired bra providing it fits well and doesn’t dig in – but they are not quite as easy, or comfortable, to lift up during a feed.

Hypoallergenic lanolin cream for sore or cracked nipples – such as Lansinoh HPA Lanolin, which doesn’t need to be wiped off before you feed your baby and has myriad other uses, including alleviating nappy rash and dry skin patches and as a balm for dry, cracked lips. Note: lanolin can trigger allergic contact dermatitis in some people, but this brand is recommended by Allergy UK for its significantly reduced allergen content. See page 202 for further details.

Nipple shields – nipple shields are thin silicone teats that you place over your nipples. They can be useful if your baby is struggling to learn how to breastfeed as they encourage them to suck more strongly. They can also help to correct inverted nipples and protect your nipples during feeds if they are sore.

BOTTLE-FEEDING EQUIPMENT

Six bottles – you can buy inexpensive basic bottles that come in various sizes and can be used in standard bottle warmers, sterilizers and bottle carriers. You can buy anti-colic bottles, which may have a vent or a slow-flow/vented teat to reduce the amount of air your baby swallows when feeding. Some bottles are designed to be sterilized directly in the microwave. You can also buy disposable bottles that are useful for occasional bottle feeds or on a day out. Most major brands of baby bottle are now bisphenol A (BPA)-free. BPA is a chemical used in polycarbonate plastics that is thought to disrupt hormones and to potentially have a detrimental effect on a baby’s growth and development. Another option, if you are concerned about other chemicals used to make plastic baby bottles, is glass bottles, which are made from heat-resistant, toughened glass. The downside of these bottles is that they can shatter if dropped and tend to be much more expensive than plastic ones.

Six teats – a new baby will probably do best on a slow-flow or variflow teat, which allows your baby to control the milk flow in a similar way as they would at the breast. You can buy these both with the bottles and separately.

A bottle and teat brush – all bottles and teats need to be scrubbed and washed before sterilizing.

Sterilizing equipment – you can choose from electric steam sterilizers, microwave steam sterilizers, and cold-water sterilizing units, which are used with sterilizing solution (hypochlorite). If you prefer, you can sterilize your baby’s feeding equipment by boiling it in a pan, though this will obviously be time-consuming. For more information on sterilizing feeding equipment, see page 74.

An electric bottle warmer – this is a useful item, though you could just use a jug of hot water instead. You can also buy a bottle-sized travel flask that you fill with hot water before you go out, to warm your baby’s bottle when out and about.

Six cotton bibs/muslin cloths – these are useful for catching milk drips, regurgitated milk or dribble during feeds.

BATHING

A baby bath – this can make bath time easier, though it has to be filled and emptied manually, and they do take up room, which could be an issue if space is limited. You can also buy baby baths with an extra-wide rim that fixes on top of an adult bath. These have a plughole to let the water drain out into the family bath. Choose a sturdy one and make sure you measure your family bath before you buy, to ensure it will fit properly. Another option is a bucket bath, which, as the name suggests, is bucket-shaped to support newborn babies to sit upright, or in a foetal position, so your hands are free to wash your baby.

Alternatively, you could buy a newborn bath support, which will enable you to bathe them safely in your family bath; this means you can fill and empty the bath as usual and avoid having to carry water around.

Two baby towels – these are useful but not essential because you could allocate a small bath towel to be used only for your baby instead.

A sponge or flannel – useful for washing your baby, but you may prefer to just use your hands.

Baby toiletries – it is not necessary to buy a lot of toiletries for your baby – especially in the first four weeks, when their skin can be especially sensitive and washing with plain water may be preferable. However, if you would like to use toiletries, make sure you choose those especially designed for babies’ sensitive skin. There are several brands to choose from, including supermarkets’ own branded products; these are all designed to be gentle on your baby’s skin – to avoid drying it out or causing irritation.

Baby wipes – having a pack of these can be useful, especially when you are out and about and don’t have access to clean, warm water. Experts recommend using cotton wool and warm water for the first four weeks – you could moisten some cotton wool balls in water and wrap them up in cling film or pop them in a handy plastic container, but if you prefer the convenience of baby wipes, choose fragrance-free, organic or sensitive ones. If your baby develops a rash after using them, you can always revert to using plain water and cotton wool.

Baby bath/wash – these are usually mild, emollient and pH balanced.

Baby shampoo – choose a mild formula that is designed not to sting the eyes.

Baby lotion/baby oil – this can be applied to your baby’s skin after a bath to prevent their skin from drying out. If your baby develops eczema, you may need to see your GP who may recommend using a suitable bath oil and emollient. For more information about treating minor ailments, see page 133.

SLEEPING

When it comes to deciding what type of bed to buy, choose the one/s best suited to you and your baby’s needs.

Moses basket